Secret Tales from a Sexually Awakened Goddess

Recipe: Bacon-Potato Corn Chowder

2012-01-27T13:32:00.000-08:00

One of my favorite soups to make for several reasons. It's delicious, filling/hearty, AND easy to make. Hope you give it a try and let me know how you like it. :)

Corn Chowder (pic from another recipe)

Bacon-Potato Corn Chowder

Best/easiest 6 ingredient soup ever! Ingredients:
6-8 strips of bacon,
1 yellow onion (diced),
6-8 medium potatoes (peeled and cut into large chunks),
1 qt. (32 oz.) chicken broth,
1 can sweet kernel corn,
approx 1 cup (heavy) whipping cream or half-and-half
(salt/pepper of course)

Heat soup pan over medium heat. Cut up bacon into bits (scissors work the best) and cook until crisp. Add onion and cook until soft. (Note: Your preference to skim off some bacon fat or not. Leave enough in to saute the onions though!)

Then add broth, potatoes, and corn (no need to drain corn). If the broth is just covering the potatoes...you're good! If not, add more potatoes until they're just covered.

Simmer till potatoes are fork soft (about 20 min); turn off burner, and add cream, stir. Do a light mash on the potatoes to thicken the soup--but still leaving enough potato chunks to make it hearty.

Add salt/pepper to taste and serve!

Sourdough bread/butter go great with this soup. It's not a "low calorie" soup by any means, but it's sooooo good. :)

Enjoy! Love, A.

HNT: Bootie in Sweat Pants

2012-01-26T14:13:00.000-08:00

Pretty much a slow day at work...so took a pic of my bootie while my system is being upgraded. Got some new Reebok yoga pants. I love the way they fit!

Enjoy! Love, A. :)

Cleansed

2012-01-19T13:06:00.000-08:00

Shoreline

I dreamt of the shore

and beautiful gems

smoothed by eons of being caressed

by the ocean's heartbeat...

...and I collected them

built a small mound

displayed them in particular order

it was a work of Love...

As I admired their beauty

they sang to me

and I was purified...

their own act of Love...

in return.

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I had this wonderful dream last night. The most gorgeous rocks/gems on the seashore--a pristine seashore...clear waters, warm...white beautiful sand, perfect sun and air...

I had been sick for a few days, but this morning I woke up feeling renewed. I had read about the healing properties of certain gems and crystals just the last couple of days, and had also asked Mother Earth to connect with me, and allow me to be of assistance to her, as she would be to me.

I really think I was healed through this dream! It was so beautiful, so vivid. These were not regular river pebbles I saw. They were all types of precious gemstones...all polished, perhaps minerals, too.

Anyway, either way, I feel better and I had a wonderful dream that I can carry with me.

Thanks for reading, Love, A. :)

Guest Poem: An Offering

2012-01-10T18:52:00.000-08:00

Aphrodite by Robert Fowler

An Offering

He stands before the Goddess

Allured by her wonder

Naked as he should be

In her presence.

Though her form is veiled

Within fine ivory linen

He still feels intense arousal

For her feminine aspect

The very presence of Woman

Makes his cock turgid

Open with no barriers

Between them she nods her head

Thankful for the assent

He bows before her wonder

And begins to slowly stroke

his pulsing shaft

Hoping she's pleased

With his offering act

He drinks in her beauty

While caressing his manhood

His weakness builds

And he surrenders.

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This is so lovely, so spontaneous. I'm truly honored to have it written for me by a long time acquaintance.

We ran into each other again after a long time with no contact. We chatted a while about nothing specific and drifted into his admiration of women. We have never been intimate, though I know that he has always adored women, and still does.

In our discussion I had told him about the type of man he is. There is a particular type that adores and worships women, truly loves them...all. But not in a submissive or subservient way. In a reverent, adoring, accepting way. He doesn't know how to be any other way. I've only met a few men who are truly this way.

I said this on Twitter: "I find it very flattering & an honor when a man finds a way to worship the female without wanting something from her."

I see that to be the case here. That is what is different with this type of man. He expects nothing. His joy is in the worship.

Hope you enjoyed. Love, A.
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I have decided to post two additional poems from the same writer below in order to keep all the writings together. These two were added on January 19, 2012, and I think they're just as lovely, just as powerful in their reverence.

Release

(January 11, 2012)

Naked and vulnerable

She's seen me at my weakest

Nothing left to hide

My gift - expressing adoration

Letting her view that

Most private of moments

As my seed finds release

Nurtured by her glory

Aftermath

(January 12, 2012)

The Priestess is pleased

With my adulation

And submission

To the Femininity

She represents

Her words of Woman

In response to my act

Make my masculinity

Sing forth once more

In praise and honor

Of All that She is

I relish the warm strength

And rigidity her Power

instills in this flesh of man

TMI Tuesday: 01/10/12 - The Penis

2012-01-10T17:44:00.000-08:00

All about the wedding tackle, twig & berries, pole, fire hose, skin flute, dipstick, meat thermometer or what we all know as the penis.

1. What’s more important – length or width? Why?

To me width. But there has to be some length too. Width is what you feel on all your inner walls. :)

2. Ever encountered one that was too big for you to handle?

Yes, years ago. The guy was from Texas. Coincidence? Don't know, lol. But he was AT LEAST 12 inches long and with girth too. It was not comfortable to have sex with him. Kept hitting up too high. And he was not old enough to know (and me either) that slamming it was not the way to go. Shame I didn't know then what I know now.

3. Best place to put a penis?

Many places. :) But I do enjoy kissing, licking and sucking one.

4. If you had a penis for a day, what would you do with it?

Oh boy...if....only if. I would definitely have sex with a woman or women. I've always wanted to know what it feels like to have a penis and use it. Actually, I would try to pleasure as many women as possible with it and the rest of my body. The penis would just be an added tool. Lol.

Penis Envy: Largest penis in the animal kingdom is 11 feet (blue whale)

5. You’re a penis, which love canal (that’s a vagina) would you most like to visit:
a. short and shallow
b. fall into the gap, gliding smoothly along the slick walls
c. tight suction lip-lock
d. none, I prefer the back door thank you

B and C sound good.

Bonus: What is the perfect name for your penis or a penis you use often?

The Beast would be good I think. :)

World Penis Size Map: Where would you like to visit? click

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Check out the other players at TMI Tuesday Blog. Thanks Hedone!

Love, A.

A Hello and a Dream

2011-12-19T22:12:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to write and say that I have not fallen off the planet, although I have pulled back a bit from some activities.

I didn't mean for one of those activities to be this blog, but such it has turned out. I dropped some things that I felt were no longer serving me, and have added some things that I've felt drawn to. Most of these always have to do with self-development and exploration.

I'm reading more again...one of my true loves. Not socializing as much...neither online or in real life. I am, however, being more genuine with my important real life contacts. I've virtually given up on dating, as it seemed to be sucking up unnecessary time and effort for little reward. I have too much to do in other areas of my life, really.

This part will come I think when the time is right. For now, I want to focus on the things that intuitively call me.

I'm finally making headway on decorating my livingroom. I need to make it "my" space...a place of santuary and balanced energy that is right for my well-being. It's been let go too long.

I've shopped for a sofa on and off for a year and a half. I finally found one that clicked with me. It's a slow process, but when I'm done it will be a place of joy for me to be in. As it is now, I spend little to no time in the livingroom.

The garage...well that's another area I had hoped to make a dent in cleaning it out by end of this year, but that didn't happen. I'm not very productive in the dark, cold months. I prefer to hibernate and nest, basically--like a bear. :)

Family drama seems to be an ongoing issue. My father realizes he is getting old, and now he wants to spend time with us. However, for me it's strange. After knowing him as a tyrant when growing up...how does one now say...."oh, it's cool. Let's be friends now." It's not easy. Especially when he cannot admit, let alone even fathom, that he was a tyrant. In his mind he was a great father. And at times, perhaps he was.

So meetings seem very superficial. Yes there are hugs and kisses, but it's almost like forced affection one might have for a distant uncle one sees perhaps around holidays. It's hard for me to really be open, but I continue to try.

It's not quite so strange with my mom. She calls and I call her, so at least there is communication. Plus mothers are just different. I never felt like she took her anger and dissatisfaction with life out on us kids...like my father did.

Well, this post is nothing like I thought it might be. I'm in a really weird place, but it's still ok, regardless. It's almost like I'm watching a movie of my life...and I'm an impartial observer.

Things seem to impact me deeply, and yet on one level, I know it's really just a stage drama that will end and go on to the next act eventually. Not sure how to explain it. I'm not really so troubled by any of it, and yet it can also be terribly depressing.

Anyway, an ending with a dream from last night. More like a fragment of a lucid dream.

A wolf came to me. He basically was telling me that the night is the friend of the wolf. The night protects them. They move about in darkness, as one. They use the night to their benefit. He was telling me to use the night (darkness) to my advantage. Make it my friend. Allow it to benefit me. It can aid me if I allow to to assist in my purpose.

And yet I do know this, but reminders are good. Adversity...darkness...can assist us if we allow it to. There are lessons to be gleaned. We tend to look at difficult experiences as "bad", but they don't have to be if they help us along in our journey.

The wolf has integrated darkness and made it light. This is what humans have to do in order to move ahead. See the good within the bad, the light within the dark. It's all from the same Source. Somehow once we can truly embrace it all as our divine human experience...things will change...overnight.

Thanks for reading...

Love, A. :)

HNT: Halloween

2011-11-03T00:09:00.000-07:00

I've always loved Halloween just for the opportunity to be someone or something else.

Here are a couple of different ideas I had this year. I ordered this Greek Goddess gown and wig online. The amazing thing...it fit like it was made for me! I need the appropriate jewelry and shoes to make it more complete.

The back of the gown is nice too.

What I did actually wear out Saturday was an Egypian themed outfit that I put together from what I had. I did buy a beaded head piece and borrow a black wig from my sister. Other than that, I had everything else that worked. I loved putting on the eyeliner even more exaggerated than I usually do! :) Was fun.

Hope everyone had a safe and fun Halloween. Only bummer was I didn't even get one single trick-or-treater at my door. :\ Boo!

Love, A. :)

HNT: Dots and Spots

2011-10-13T18:43:00.000-07:00

Polka-dots and freckles...dots and spots. :) Twister anyone? Lol.

Happy HNT!

Love, A. :)

Parable of the Screeching Bird

2011-10-09T12:50:00.000-07:00

Here's a little true story my sister told me today. It made me think about how much our mindset is tied to past experiences.

There's an asian lady who walks past her house on weekends. She's seen her for a while now.

Usually, when my sister's out, she puts the parrot in the tree out front, and the parrot loves to "scream" at passers-by. She screeches just about every time.

Well...the parrot would screech at the asian lady as well. One day the lady was walking by, my sister said good morning. The lady kept walking. Sis thought the lady probably didn't hear her.

Then the bird screeched, and my sister said "Oh sorry about the bird". The lady stopped and looked at her confounded, like she didn't understand.

Then my sister thought maybe she didn't speak english, so she motioned her over to the patio/tree to show her the bird, "My bird...it's here."

The woman said "I can come up?" (patio steps). My sister said "Yes...my bird is in the tree." "Bird?" said the asian woman. She finally saw the bird in the tree.

Then the bird screeched, and the woman said..."Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I thought you were yelling at me all this time!"

My sister said "No...didn't you hear me say good morning?" The woman said "Yes, but I was so angry at you. Some people don't like asian people."

So you see how our past experiences keep us expecting certain behaviors? It made me sad that this woman was still experiencing that prejudice.

I thought wow...this would be a hell state to be in. Thinking that any sound misunderstood would be taken to be anger, dislike, hatred, etc.

I'm glad my sister had the intuition to show her the bird. I really liked the story. A lot to be learned from it.

Do you have something from the past that makes you react in a way that you reacted then? Even though that is no longer what is really happening? I do.

I get really annoyed and irritated when I hear people whistle loudly. Typically only men do that. Now, I live in an area with a lot of mexican people. One thing that mexican men love to do is whistle!

Well, I cringe and get anxious and irritated when I hear my neighbors or anyone within earshot whistling. (Unless it is specifially to music which I can also hear.) I ask myself..."Why are they whistling? Are they calling their dog? Are they calling someone?" I couldn't pin it specifically with a particular memory, but it's coming back to me that when I was a kid, my father used to whistle loudly when he wanted us. That usually meant we were in trouble for one thing or another. Typically it was an angry whistle...from what I can vaguely recall. And that meant punishment.

So even though the particular memories of whistling are vague, the reaction I have to it is still very strong today. In a way I suppose this is the same type of trauma that war veterans experience when they hear sounds that remind them of the war. The feelings and reactions are still very much alive and still playing in their psyche today.

I think only conscious awareness and even more conscious retraining of our reactions could change this. But I suspect it's not easy. The more engrained and traumatic the memory/experience is, the harder it will be to react differently in the future.

I hope some of you will share your thoughts. Thanks for reading.

Love, A. :)

HNT: Darkness & Light

2011-10-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

Dark picture...but I still like it...because you sort of have to stare into the darkness and let your eyes adjust. Just like in life...when you switch...literally and metphorically. :)

Happy HNT! Love, A. :)

Music, Wine and Rambling

2011-10-04T18:58:00.000-07:00

I was playing hookie from work yesterday...sort of an extension of my birthday weekend. I ran into this song by Molly Hatchet, so I started playing it while I was tweeting (on Twitter) and drinking wine.

Well, it put me in a very philosophical and creative frame of mind. Below are some of the random tweets that came out. On occasion I like to preserve the words I really like. :)

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We are on our way....just hold your dream and BELIEVE...and we'll all fly there together...!!!

We were not made to drown in hardship and sorrow...we can raise ourselves out...then turn & lend a hand...

This world wants to keep you asleep, but you are greater than you remember. Love is waiting for you to awaken. #Love

First the shit bubbles to the surface a little...not pretty...then more bubbles...more crud. Pretty soon its seething. You are healing!

Maybe you think you'd rather not have to do this shit. But you are cleaning the sediment that's been holding you in darkness.

Rising above it is not easy, but worth it. You're gonna hurt, cry, scream, wish you could be blind again...try to distract yourself...

But pretty soon...you look out at all the ugliness...pain, anguish...and you start seeing the beauty behind it. It's there!

You start understanding that you could not know the light without darkness, joy without sorrow, love without fear...

Any time you CHOOSE Love over any other reaction or response...you are making the world a better place for ALL! :)

I'm a better person ~ because of the Love ~ you have shown me.

I'm a better person ~ because of the adversity ~ you presented me with ~ you showed me how NOT to be.

We are tired of the lies, deceptions, doing what is expected of us. Let it all fall away. See through it. Choose a new way.

The new way is the way of the heart. Your heart. Your Truth. Not someone else's. It knows the way...open it up & listen.

Cause I've got dreams, I've got my dreams...To remember...the love we had... ~Molly Hatchet

Climb up on a hilltop, baby, see what I can see, yeah...The whole world's fallin' down on me, right down in front of me... -Molly Hatchet

Pull myself together, gonna put on a new face, yeah...Gonna climb down from the hilltop, baby, Lord, get back in the race... -Molly Hatchet

Hold me ~ in the embrace ~ of your desire ~ as I sleep ~ and dream of Love ~ that could be #micropoetry

Slip into me ~ know me ~ feel me ~ become one with me ~ until the end of eternity #Love #micropoetry

The next time you encounter that person who is the thorn in your life, thank them! They are teaching you to overcome & learn to Love!

I feel your Love grow ~ and I embrace it ~ with all that I AM #Love #micropoetry

Sip from the fount ~ of my Love ~ that it may enliven ~ and awaken you ~ bring you from the brink ~ of darkness #Love

Let my wave ~ of Love ~ wash over your sins ~ and make you clean ~ once more #lovespeaks

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Anyway, some ramblings from my mind...on a very good night. :)

Love, A.

A Great Birthday Weekend

2011-10-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

Quick rundown of my weekend, which was fantastic. I had a birthday this weekend, and I couldn't have asked for it to be better. Well...maybe if I had gotten laid...but I'll worry about that later.

On Friday I went to visit a friend that I'd not seen for a verrrrry long time. He was visiting in the area and we decided to hang out Friday and have some drinks and appetizers. We met at a sports bar and caught up with each other. It was great to look eye to eye...exchange smiles, etc. We ate, drank, and were merry.

When it was time to go, he gave me a card with a dragonfly cloud formation and a beautiful poem he wrote for my birthday. It was awesome. He walked me to my car and we embraced...said our goodbyes until next time.

On Saturday I had arranged to meet with friends at a local brewery/restaurant near where we all live. We met at 4pm and the weather was perfect! Clear, sunny, and about 80F. We drank, ate, visited, joked, laughed and just had a great time. My cousin and his girlfriend were in California visiting as well, so they were able to join us too.

We were there for 5 hours! I was ready for bed after all that, but they would not have it. We all went to another friend's house for more drinks and what not. There was tequila...although I did not actually have any! Shocking, I know. I was too full to be honest. Anyway, I am really enjoying myself these days without getting totally ripped.

So after 2 hours there visiting some other friends, I said my thank-yous and goodbyes...and then my sister drove me home. I was very content, but tired. I think I climbed into bed with the intent to read, but I faded quickly.

The next morning my sister called to make sure I was awake for breakfast. She and her husband were cooking a breakfast feast. Our cousin and his girlfriend stayed the night over, so everyone had to be fed! I walked down the street with my coffee and helped prepare breakfast. There were crepes, sausage, eggs, toast, cereal, fresh fruit, a veggie platter, omelettes...it was great! I was surprised there were no Bloody Mary's, but that was ok. I think everyone had enough the night before.

After cleanup, everyone went their own way. I went home for a while and did some things around the house. Later that evening my other sister and I watched a movie. Something I seem to rarely do these days. It was a nice break from the computer and chores.

By that time I had already decided I would be taking Monday off, "sick", lol. Call it my present to myself. A day of nothing but "me" time. So I called in the next morning, and pretty much just kicked back most of the day. I went to the store and bought some things for dinner at my sister's later. Her husband wanted to cook the bratwurst he took out of the freezer the day before. So I picked up corn on the cob, brown mushrooms, cabbage (for my homemade cole slaw), and some red wine.

Everything was perfect. I felt like all I did the whole weekend was eat and drink and enjoy myself. Well....I did. :)

Monday evening after dinner, I went home and continued with the wine. It tasted so good that I just about polished off another whole bottle myself. I did some chatting and tweeting and then it was bedtime. I was actually mentally rested for work the next day.

Anyway...that's a recap. It really was a perfect weekend. Thanks for reading!

Love, A.

HNT: Polka Dots

2011-09-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

I like the way the effect turned out in this one. And wearing my fav type of every day panty -- cotton bikinis with a fun print!

Happy HNT. Love, A. :)

Dragon Slaying: Giving up on "Trying"

2011-09-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

For some reason, last night I got to thinking about the word "trying". I'm going to "try" to do this...I'm "trying" to do that. I realized this word is not my friend. It's no one's friend.

It is one of the "dragons" that I am slaying. In truth I love dragons...so I would say "demons" instead--the personal untruths that we carry around that keep us down..keep us from being our true selves.

Anyway, I started realizing more as I was tweeting about this concept of "trying", and what my thoughts were about it. These are my tweets over a very short span of time.

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I think I'm getting tired of "trying". Just gonna stop. As long as a person is "trying", they're not really "doing".

So I'm giving up that notion. Not trying anymore. I'm either gonna do it or I'm not. Period. I sound like Yoda now...lol.

Like when I "tried" to quit smoking forever. That didn't work. That was a mental trap. One day I just quit. I didn't "try".

It's a misconception that you have to "try" to do something. You don't. You just have to decide to do it. Then you do it.

I have plenty of my own personal endeavors to test this on. I tried to do a lot of things...& I haven't yet. Now I'm saying f*ck that.

"Trying" is self-defeating. You're saying that you are not powerful enough to make up your mind & do something. You are!

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During my tweeting, someone replied that "If at first you don't succeed, do do again" didn't sound right. True. But the difference is that you ARE doing. For example, you say "I want to learn to play this piece on the piano perfectly." You are not going to "try" to learn it. You are not going to "try" to practice. You WILL practice and you WILL learn if you are diligent and you make up your mind to do so.

Where "try" becomes your enemy is when you want to do something...but you are already making an excuse for whatever reason. It's a guilt trip...getting beat over the head yet again because you "should" but you know you're not going to. This is me: "I'm going to try and get my bills and mail organized." Ok...that's an excuse. All it does it set me up to procrastinate and fail at actually even getting a start on what it is I want to do.

From now on...that word will be consciously banished from my vocabulary in that context. When I make a statement to myself or anyone else...I will say "I AM....", etc: I AM going to start organizing my bills. I AM going to do some yardwork tomorrow. And so on. AND....if for some reason those things do not take place? Then "I AM NOT" going to feel bad about it. I AM ok with it. :)

All the shit I have to do will be there waiting for me until I'm ready. There is nothing, and I mean NO THING that I have to "try". I only need to decide that I want to do it...and then DO it. And continue DOING it...until I am satisfied with the results.

Hope each of you finds something helpful in this insight. I know I have. I AM putting it to use in my life from here on out.

Love, A. :)

Roller Coaster is Still Coasting!

2011-09-26T19:03:00.000-07:00

Any who follow me will know I've been MIA lately...not posting much. Not that I haven't wanted to. Almost daily I think of things I can write about, but I either don't seem to find the time or energy, or both.

Just been busy with family stuff, home, my new kitty, work, and generally just trying to re-energize myself. Have been seeming to need a lot of solitude lately.

Anyway, wanted to update you a bit. So much has happened since the last rambling I did...see it here. I have NOT yet juiced a darn thing. I am however maintaining a lower weight. I have not been drinking as much as I was, due to the fact that it seems to have lost its appeal. At times I feel like getting drunk...but then I just don't find it appealing...even though I'd like that buzz sometime.

I have not been going out as often to drink. My favorite karaoke stop on Friday nights has cancelled karaoke. Now there is no reason to go there, unless I'm really thirsty for a margarita. And this desire has waned per my last paragraph, lol. In addition, many of my drinking buddies have sort of gotten absorbed in their own lives...as they should. Still, we do see each other now and then.

I did see my friend Gary not long ago. He now has a girlfriend with whom he is living. They lived together before either of them married, and now they are both single again and managed to find each other. Amazingly they still hit it off after 10 years of being apart. Good for them.

I also saw DB (Dark Beauty), my only true love of the female persuasion. :) Ok, maybe not "true love", but we have a strange, yet strong bond. I'm glad that we still kiss on the lips each time we meet. She has had some health issues, lots of travel for work, so haven't seen much of her lately eithier.

My sister and I patched things up big time. When I spoke last time about betrayal...there were serious issues that I and the rest of the family were dealing with. My niece had a major drug addiction problem, of which I had only an inkling. My sister and her husband hid it well from the rest of us. Who can blame them I guess. It's hard for parents to admit, since they did feel embarassment over it...and no doubt felt as if they failed as parents.

My initial betrayal came when my niece stole from me. This happened after I had helped her with so many things--her car, her graduation, bills, etc. I couldn't believe she could do that to me. It cut deep. But with some thought and understanding and talking with my sister and brother-in-law (BIL)...I realized it was the addict who did this, not my niece.

Anyone who has never dealt with a serious addiction in their family really won't understand the impact. Then my second punch of betrayal to the gut came when my sister and BIL said that this was not the first time my niece stole from me. I found out that 1.5 yrs earlier she had taken drugs from my house. I had a ton of medication from my ex's bout with cancer. They told me they found all kinds of prescription medication in her room which they confiscated.

Ok, this took a while to sink in...but when it did, I was pissed! I couldn't believe they didn't tell me, for one. Second, they continued to let me believe everything was ok with having my niece at my house unattended. I still blame them for what she stole the second time. Had they told me...I would have not let her have access to my house when I wasn't there. Actually, I don't blame them. I'm over that. I did tell them that maybe it could have been prevented if they were honest with me, and that it was wrong of them to keep this from me and make me a sitting duck.

So this took a long time to get over. As my sister and BIL started spilling the beans...and sharing their agony and their regrets over not knowing how to handle the whole thing, our relationship started getting patched up. My sister eventually shared everything with my mom, our aunt, my other sister...so no one was left in the dark.

This was very cathartic. What happened is that we all banded together to support each other, and to work together as a unified family to do what we could to help my niece. We cried together...my sister and I. She said it felt so good to finally let it all out...and to get a hug. I was glad that she was finally able to do this. We are sisters again.

Now, the good news is that as of this moment, my niece is in a half-way house for the past 2 weeks. She looks and sounds great. Says she never wants to go back to where she was. We all know that these are words, and we can never know what will happen tomorrow, next week, next month or year. For now...we remain as positive as we all can be. My niece had a long hard road, and I'm sure it's only the beginning.

Before she got into this facility, she was staying in her car. She wrecked that car a month after getting it. That might be 4 cars within the last 1.5 - 2 years. When she got the money from insurance, that was burned up in no time with drugs. We suspected this might happen, but we knew that she had to be the one to decide how she wanted to live her life.

My sister said my niece was better off without a car...as it seemed only a matter of time before one of her car accidents would be very serious. Anyway, the money disappeared, and now she had no drugs, no car, no place to sleep. My niece then moved in with my other sister for a while, as her mom and dad did not want her at home. They already said they cannot have their lives in turmoil with the constant chaos that their daughter had been causing for years. I knew what they were talking about.

Well, my other sister must be as patient as a saint. She let my niece stay for almost a good month. Finally, the last straw broke the camel's back when my niece stole her car one day when my sister went to the restroom. She did return with the car, after which my sister told her she needs to find another place to stay. My niece said she figured this was coming...and mumbled something about no one caring about her.

Anyway, a lot has happened. A lot has changed. My sister and I went to see her daughter yesterday at the half-way house. She looks and sounds great, as I said. She apologized to me...but I told her not to worry about that now. We'll work it out later. I'm mainly concerned that she concentrate on recovery, and not get into wallowing in guilt. We are not there to punish her. She is not a "bad" person. She is an addict. And addiction is not a pretty thing. I've grown up with it all around me...it's ugly. And there's not a goddamn thing anyone could do for the addicted person. Maybe pray, and never give up hope.

That's the hard part. To realize that you love this person, and you WOULD do anything...but you can't do shit. They have to want to be clean more than they've ever wanted anything in their whole life. Period.

Anyway...this whole ordeal seems to have sucked so much time and energy from me. Even though I've been mainly on the sidelines. I can only imagine how my sister, my BIL, and my nephew have managed to function for the past few years trying to maintain an image of "normalcy".

Well, I didn't plan to write this much...but this is what wanted to come out, so here it is. Thanks for reading as always.

Love, A.

HNT: Hand Study :)

2011-09-15T18:37:00.000-07:00

Well, I took some pics lying in bed, and for some reason I seem partial to often capturing my hand. Can't say I have attractive hands. They don't lie about my age like my boobs do. Lol.

I posted two pics. One that shows all the veins, and even the burn scar on the knuckle just above the first finger. Hard to see, because it all sort of blends in now (wrinkles, scars...).

And below, a second pic that makes my hand look delicate. That's funny, cause I've never had delicate hands. However, I'll keep the pic anyway. :) Here I am also laying on my side (as in pic above), but rotating the picture just looked odd for some reason, so I kept it at this angle.

Happy HNT!

Love, A.

Music Video: Steely Dan - Any World

2011-09-13T18:03:00.000-07:00

I heard this song the other day on my fav L.A. classic rock station...and had to look it up. Loved the lyrics...hope you enjoy it, too. Could be my new theme song...hehe. :)

Love, A. :)

HNT: Pub Smile

2011-08-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

After dinner last Saturday I stopped at my local neighborhood pub for a beer. They had a live band playing...very excellent acoustic-type music, with female vocalist.

They were so good I ended up staying about an hour and a half. Would have stayed longer if the big dinner from earlier had not put me into a coma.

This pic from the pub that night. I was really enjoying the evening there.

Love, A. :)

HNT: Lazy Sunday

2011-08-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday I allowed myself to sleep in. Later I shot this pic across the room...using the mirrored wardrobe. My room looks uncluttered right? Wrong! There's a pile of clothes on the floor (hidden) that needs hanging or folding and put into dresser! Lol.

Happy HNT! :)

Love, A.

TMI Tuesday: 08/16/11 - Flashback then Fast Forward

2011-08-16T00:05:00.000-07:00

1. What ’80s or ’90s fashion did you love but would be embarrassed to wear today, even if it came back in style?

OMG...stretch stirrup pants and huge oversized tops! Lol.

2. What current fashion do you wear and love? Or What current fashion do you wear but probably shouldn’t?

I love boot-cut jeans and tight fitting shirts. Sometimes I like the bling-bling shirts that young women wear...but I'm not that young anymore! :D

3. What was your favorite toy as a kid?

Hmmmm, I loved any sort of art sets or gadgets. I think the Spirograph was my favorite.

4. What is your favorite “toy” today?

Well, I'm not a toy person really. But I would say that when I get my bike that will be it. But I love my books...they're not really toys though, are they? Oh...I love the frisbee! Yes...going to the beach and throwing it is the best!

5. Did you ever own a Sony Walkman? A boombox?

Oh geez, I think I DID own a Walkman! Lol.

6. What’s the most played song on your mp3 player?

I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't have one I think...but if I did, it would be "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones.

7. Who was your best friend in elementary/primary school?

My neighbor, a red-headed girl named Susan. Her last name and mine were alphabetically close, so we sat next to each other in 5th grade. They sat you alphabetically in those days, lol. That's how we met, and then we found out we only lived a few doors away. We kept in touch, but she has since moved to northern California, married, kids, etc...and so our lives drifted apart. However, we do touch base now and then.

8. Who is your best friend now?

That's a tough one. I honestly don't have a "best" friend. That would be nice, but I don't know that I've really ever had one in my later adult life. I have a number of very good friends, though.

9. Who was your favorite musical group in your early teens (age 13/14)? Post a photo.

I had a crush on Michael Nesmith ofThe Monkees. But were they my favorite? Hard to really remember. Oh...also loved the Beatles! :)

10. Who is your favorite musical group now? Post a link to a song of theirs that you like.

Now you know that answer! The Rolling Stones. Here's my favorite song, Gimme Shelter, but a live version that does the original version justice. :)

Bonus Question: What do you think is the secret to a good life?

I think to live in integrity, to have gratitude, to not have expectations of others, to know that all things are connected and happen for a reason. To find something joyful and fun to contemplate or do each day, to minimize stress--release your worries...like water off a duck's back. Laugh, rest, eat well, help others, give more than you take, and greet your life and the world around you with awe and wonder. Be like a kid in other words! :)

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Check out the other players at TMI Tuesday Blog. Thanks Hedone!

Love, A.

Poetry Inspired by the Full Moon

2011-08-14T13:00:00.000-07:00

As you know, Saturday, August 13th we had a full moon. I was rather in a mood to write about the moon that evening...so here are a few poetic pieces I wrote on Twitter that night.

They are not connected, just random as I came up with them through the evening. Enjoy!

Love. A.
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Full moon sets the mood ~ for all nocturnal creatures ~ to show their true selves (#haiku)

The moon beckons me / and my shadow / to come out / and dance.

Still searching for you / under the silver moon / my shadow misses / hugging yours.

You did seek camouflage / under the moon / forgetting / that it illumined / your changing stripes

Shadows yearn / for release / from captivity / by the light.

Full moon streams / silver persuasion / melting away / inhibitions.

Wandering silver paths / searching for a moonbeam / that I can climb / back to the stars

Spider woman / spins a web / to catch silver shards / of moonlight / and hypnotize / the unwary.

And this is my favorite of the evening! :)

That which you hide / the moon reveals / exposing unto me / a crimson / bleeding heart of love

HNT: Frills

2011-08-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

I've not been into "frilly" things for a long time...maybe when I was younger. Now I typically prefer more classic or casual styles. But lately, I find myself buying more "girlie" stuff.

This top is one such thing. It does make me feel "pretty" in a different sort of way. :) And besides that, the extra frills seem to bring attention to my bust. That's ok. I'm gonna flaunt it while I can. Lol. :)

Love, A.

Remembering the Love Through the Pain

2011-08-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite songs, beautiful...yet it makes me cry just about each and every time I hear it. For some reason it has become ingrained in my soul as a message it has whispered to my brother so many times since his passing 5 years ago.

It brings me back to the pain and joy I experienced one night 2 years ago, when I had two dreams about him. I thank the angels, Creator, the All...for these dreams -- painful, yet beautiful and healing in their own way. If you'd like to read about that night...it's here, called Forgiveness and Redemption.

Strange that this comes to me on the anniversary of my ex's passing and birthday. But my brother and he are forever linked in my mind as well, as they passed away the same year, 4 months apart.

Thanks for reading.

Love, A. :)

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Lyrics to "Bad"

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate
If I could throw this
Lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you break, break away
Into the night
Through the rain
Into the half-light
Through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

Oooh oooh, oooh oooh, oooh oooh oooh...

To let it go! And so fade away
To let it go!
And so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping, oh no, no, no

If you should ask then maybe they'd
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Blue silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes

Oooh oooh, oooh oooh, oooh oooh oooh...

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go

This desparation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation
Isolation

Let it go
And so fade away
To let it go, oh yeah
And so fade away
To let it go, oh No
And so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping oh no no

HNT: Kitty

2011-08-04T00:10:00.000-07:00

Well, you all know you wanted to see my kitty...so here it is! Lol.

Ok, little joke. Not much time lately for posting or other writing, but this is a new addition in my life so thought I'd share. Maybe not HNT, but a glimpse into something personal.

Isn't she adorable?

Love, A. :)

HNT: Nice Tomato

2011-07-28T15:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm at work, wearing a skirt, since I'm so excited to have somewhat normal ankles again -- swelling is down! Lol. Btw, that is the chair seat making my thigh look huge! Haha...

Got an heirloom tomato from a freebie grab bag. Look at this thing! It's huge. Part of it will go into my salad. I am doing pretty good with my eating...so I'm pleased about that.

Love, A. :)

Back on the Roller Coaster (Pt 1)

2011-07-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

Well, I've not written too much lately. And I've been late on some of my regular posts, because I've had a few things going on.

As you know, I committed myself to lose 15-20 pounds within a couple of months. This is not going as smoothly as planned--not through lack of desire, but because I had other things to address first. For one, I'd been having really bad swelling, which I finally got checked out. My doctor did a variety of blood tests and everything looks good, except my cholesterol. She told me to lose weight and start eating better--and exercise more of course.

A week or so later, I asked her for water pills (which she prescribed). I realized that my swelling was getting worse, and if everything is mostly normal, why is it happening? I was not wanting to wear shorts or anything that showed my ankles/feet.

Anyway, after the 3rd day of water pills, I noticed everything went down. My whole body, my eyelids, my face....and yes ankles and feet. My clothes fit again...lol. It bothers me, however, that I could not change my condition without pills. But, until I make more dietary changes, I'm sticking with these. Even though my weight is down some, the inches lost seem dramatic.

A couple weeks after starting the pills, my doctor wanted to take my blood pressure and test blood again for dehydration, etc. Am waiting for results as I write, but I assume all is well if they have not contacted me within a week. But when I was there, she asked me what I was doing about the cholesterol. I said...well, nothing yet. I had been doing some walking, but no real cardio. And I was also guilty of consuming butter, bacon, and good stuff like that.

She told me that she would refer me to a nutritionist, and if that didn't help, she would put me on cholesterol pills. I think she knows I hate pills. So I told her I would definitely want to do it through dietary changes. I have to call the nutritionist next, then back to the doctor in 6 months to see how I'm doing.

Another thing that has been going on is that I've been experiencing adverse affects to heavy drinking. Ok, not the normal..."I'm hungover and feel like crap." I had recently had several episodes of severe depression when consuming more than a 2-3 drinks in a short period. Even that is not an adequate description of what I felt. It was very deep emotional pain...sadness, call it what you will. I had rarely felt that, except perhaps when my ex passed away and I was mourning.

Well, after the third time or so of feeling this horrible sadness after drinking, I woke up the next day and said...fuck this. I'm not dealing with this crap on an ongoing basis. What's next? Depression medication? No thanks. I HATE PILLS. To me they imply that I'm not able to care for my own body and I'm just letting myself fall apart. Maybe this is warped thinking, but I've always been healthy and prided myself on that.

Maybe having to take pills is a reality I'm not ready to look at yet. :\

Ok...so I made the decision to start juicing...I read a lot about it and have been wanting to do it for some time anyway, but lacked motivation. I woke up Sunday feeling great having decided this. My eyes were swollen from crying the night before, but somehow I still felt pretty good. I had a good healthy breakfast, made a list of what I need to get to start my new eating/health habits.

So Sunday afternoon, I got dressed up a bit cause I felt good (wore my new skirt), and decided to go to the arboretum, take some pics and just have a nice walk amongst nature. Afterwards I would go and get a juicer, and buy some veggies, etc. to start my juicing regimen on Monday. (Note: I didn't expose my belly like in the pic. My tank did cover!)

But...things didn't work out so well. I only spent a little time at the arboretum (did get a few pics), and I got the juicer, but I had several other upsets starting Sunday late afternoon that threw me into a downward spiral of negative emotions and feelings that I am not sure how to deal with. And then again last night, I got more news that has left me feeling betrayed, more than the first betrayal I had news about.

So, as of yet, I've not started the juicing. I am, however, able to eat reasonably well regardless, and have been able to keep my drinking to a minimum. Which is good, because it has often been a way to help me cope. But of course, I know it's escape, not coping. One still has to cope when they get sober.

So...I'll continue this story tomorrow. I'm kind of tired from just writing this.

Thanks for reading,
Love, A.

HNT: Pinch

2011-07-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

Not much to say here...except what the title of the HNT is...lol. Kinda getting tired of showing my boobs. Maybe I'll work on tanning my legs so I can post those soon or something. Or! If I'm not too lazy, get my tripod set up so I can do some shots without holding the camera! Yes! Again...IF time permits...

Anyway, suggestions are welcome...

A. :)

FormSpring: How do you sustain the movitation and energy needed to write erotica regularly?

2011-07-20T12:23:00.001-07:00

Well, I need to feel some sort of excitement...either have a fantasy, read something that arouses me, or flirt / sext. There must be some factor that stimulates the mind basically.

Sometimes it comes from the imagination, but on occasion the flame needs to be lit from an external source. That's where an exchange on twitter can be handy, or general flirting, or arousing emails, etc.

Also find that reading others' material--whether stories, blog post, sexy tweets--can also get one's juices flowing, so to speak! :)

But I have found that when life gets in the way with duties, obligations, problems...it's hard to write sexy stuff.

Great question...thank-you Wolfie! :)

If you dare ask...this is the place. And please identify yourself w/name. TY! :)

The Beast of My Dreams

2011-07-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

Something stirs me from my slumber. An unfamiliar sensation. There's movement on my bed, and it's not me. But you're not supposed to be here???...am I dreaming...?

*****

Yes, I must be dreaming...I'm on a boat, laid out on a nice big cushion, you're there. The sun...it's hot. You're caressing my legs. "Stop it...I'm napping...and you're making the boat rock," I say sleepily as I nuzzle into the pillow.

"Shhhh...I'm only a dream, go back to sleep...." Your hand moves up higher...it tickles. I try pulling away, giggling, smacking your hand.

My towel is all wrapped around me, my legs stuck...it's so warm in the sun, I'm too warm. Suddenly you reach towards me and you pull the towel away slowly, peeling it back. Ahhh, cool relief. I smile, so glad that you are here to take care of me.

I feel the breeze off the lake, the warmth of the sun on my exposed skin. My nipples hardening in the cooler air...wait! Where is my bathing suit?! What if people can see me naked? I try to pull up the towel, but you take my hands, grasping my wrists tightly, and whisper "no", very gently next to my ear.

I mumble in a half sleep..."But everyone can see me..."

"No one is here except you and me" you say assuringly. I relax and look around. You're right; I see that we are alone on the lake. I turn to the side and back up into you. You are hot and sticky. And naked. I'm comforted and happy, still ensconced in thick, velvety dreams as I drift even deeper.

*****

"You are mine..." I hear you growl in a low, gravely voice. Your breath very hot at the back of my neck...sticky, musky, I smell you. My Beast! You have come back!...I know your voice and your smell. Where have you been?

"I have been in the shadows my Beauty. Your desire has brought me back." I feel your nails lightly scratch along the curve of my hip, causing goosebumps...and I feel the familiar cushion of forest bedding below us, as the moon silouhettes the trees and casts a soft glow.

My gown is opened and serves as a blanket upon which I lay. "Turn around my Beauty and let me gaze upon you..." I do as bid--the need in your voice making the scent of my desire now as strong as the pine needles below us. Your nostrils flare slightly and I feel your manhood grow against my leg as you smell me. I want to wrap my hands around it. But...how did I get here...?

I look into your eyes, puzzled. It's you...but it's not you. And I'm not me...but I am. "Shhhh, surrender to your Master," you growl as your paws play over my breasts. "You are ready my Beauty, I smell your wanton desire. It has called me to you." You part my legs with your big paw and inhale of me deeply. "Yes...I shall have you again...but first I must feed..."

Without an effort, you pick me up by the waist and sit me high on your chest as you lay back, cradling my thighs and hips in your strong arms. My burning center is now splayed out in front of your face as I screech with joyous laugher and surprise.

Without warning your tongue comes out and gently begins to probe and stroke at my hidden treasure. I gasp..."Oh my Beast, how I have missed you so!" Your tongue is long, and hard, yet gentle and warm. You pull me even closer, as you probe deeper, starting to move in and out, slurping and drinking of my nectar, teasing my bud of pleasure.

Until finally I am riding wildly against your beastly manipulations in an escalating crescendo...screaming out my ecstasy into the night air, the moon our only witness.

*****

My eyes fly open, I'm drenched from head to toe. Wild dreams come flashing back....and you! Oh God...it's you--between my thighs--smiling foolishly at me with that mischievous look I so love. "My love, you're home early!" I burst out with happiness and gratitude.

"Yes...I couldn't bear to be away longer than I had to." Your hair is all messed up, and your face wet as you start to kiss and crawl your way up over me. Hmmmm, I have a feeling you were just getting started with me...

"Did you enjoy your dreams?" you say wickedly as you move on top of me, pulling my arms up and pinning me all at the same time. I smirk at you as you already know the answer. "Not going to answer me...?" you say as you rub your lips on mine teasingly. I can smell and taste myself on them as I take a nibble.

"You're wicked!" I say as I wriggle against you. "Well, what are you waiting for? Fuck me already goddammit!" I grin and bite your lip...goading you on...

"Mmmmm...." You bury your face into my neck, growling...grasping your cock with one hand, you position yourself and push into my slippery depths with one swift, hard motion, filling me up completely. "Ohhhhh..." I moan out in pleasure as you bite on my neck and growl like an animal.

You whisper "The Beast you dreamt of is here now..." as you pump in and out of me with urgency. "Ok, but just don't stop fucking me," I beg, grasping you tighter with my legs. Wait...what did you say? I stare at you wide-eyed...how could you know my dream? It can't be...or can it?

I don't have time to think about it, because we are moving together like animals in heat, driving into each other fiercely, our lust palpable in the room...until finally we release our primal passions into the heated night.

We collapse in an exhausted heap, panting...the ceiling fan rotating above us, but providing very little relief. "I'm so glad you came home early..." I say as I beam at you. "Why are you home early anyway?"

"Because you're coming with me babe. Got one week away at the bosses cabin on the lake. Beautiful weather, a boat, lots of forest for hiking and exploring. What do you say?" I smile broadly..."It sounds just like a dream..."

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Hope you enjoyed this slightly different style of fantasy!

Love, A.

HNT: Lounging

2011-07-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

I love the angle and perspective in this shot. Totally unplanned...early morning light barely filtering into the room. I remember I was frisky when I woke this particular morning, wishing someone was next to me when I woke. They would have been very happy to be there. :)

Happy HNT.

Love, A. :)

Far Away

2011-07-14T01:05:00.000-07:00

I put my hand out for you

but you are so far away.

I need to touch you, feel you

but I feel no heat.

A new interest has taken my place

and now I am old news.

As soon as I was in...

now I am out...forgotten.

It's like the rest of life...

in the wash.

Chewed up, and spit out.

Just another day.

I will go on...as I always have.

Bearing the weight of this reality.

Living in order to realize something...

though I know not what it is.

And you will dance before me...

cutting into my soul with each step.

One day, my eyes will pull away,

and I will have forgotten

I was ever here.

TMI Tuesday: Getting to Know Me - Part II

2011-07-12T01:04:00.000-07:00

1. Which would you rather do and why?

a. yard work or house work
Yard work any day! Get to be outside with nature, the sun, the creatures! Duh...lol.

b. hike or run
Hike. Enjoy the scenery and surroundings! Running is so monotonous.

c. outdoor sports or indoor sports
Outdoor! The only indoor sport I like is sex...if that's even a sport...?

d. fast food burger from the drive-thru or sit-down salad
Sit-down salad. Although there are days when I just have to have a good greasy burger and fries.

e. yoga or aerobics
I'm too uncoordinated for aerobics, though I like the idea. Yoga...I have never tried, believe it or not. But I think I would enjoy it too.

f. ice-cream or cake; what kind?
I don't care for sweets much. so it's ice cream...I would say anything with the words "double" and "chocolate" in it...haha!

g. ice cubes or hot wax; where? why?
No hot wax! The only place I want ice cubes are in my alcoholic beverage!

h. beneath the sheets or on top?
Beneath. I hate the idea of sweating or messing up the top of the bed, lol.

2. What was your favorite subject in high school/secondary school/upper school?

I always loved mathematics, physics, biology, any of the math/science classes. Well, I also enjoyed horticulture classes at community college, as well as art classes.

3. Do you get a full 8 hours of sleep a night? Why or why not?

I don't often get 8 hours, cause I'm a night owl who then has to get up before she knows it...in order to get to work! I make up for it on weekends though, if I can.

4. What is your favorite comfort food?

I'm not sure I really have one. Beer? Lol. Maybe bacon and eggs.

5. Do you match up your socks after washing and drying them, and before putting them away?

Yes! Otherwise how could you ever find them later?

6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

Chartreuse or fuscia pink.

Bonus: When you have sexual dreams or dreams about sex, what does the dream generally involve? Is it a reoccurring theme?

I have dreamt about a stranger being down on me...and I never do find out who it is, but it's so enjoyable I really don't care...haha.

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Check out the other players at TMI Tuesday Blog. Thanks Hedone!

Love, A.

Haunted Chandelier?

2011-07-10T23:51:00.001-07:00

Went out this weekend with the sisters, and our baby brother who is visiting for a couple of weeks. We went to this cool gothic sort of lounge downtown in the neighboring town, and this chandelier is above the dance floor!

I fell in love with it...couldn't stop staring at it. My brother noted that it looks like an alien face in the center...and the arms are like tentacles! Lol. I can see it... :)

What do you think?

Love, A. :)

Dream: A Difficult Journey

2011-07-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

A Long Journey

I love to interpret dreams, especially my own. No one can interpret them for us, because only we know what things mean to us, and the feelings associated with those symbols. When you start writing down your dreams, you will find that more will be revealed than you first thought you knew.

It's all in there. Try it next time you have an odd dream--one that seems very detailed, has feelings/emotions attached to it--a dream that you wake up from thinking wow! What was that?!

Anyway, this is what I tweeted earlier about the dream and my interpretation. You get the idea. I thought it was really cool once I wrote it all down and it revealed its message. :)

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Do you try and interpret your dreams? I do. Well, I had a dream...was very sensory...not dream-like...more realistic.

Dreamt I was riding a rickety bike, high-gear, uphill, w/flimsy sandals on, narrow sidewalk/curb, heavy traffic, tired...

Kept falling off the narrow curb into the street, could barely pedal uphill, could feel the burning in my thighs...

Oh, and hot! In full sun...sweating! Finally though, got to a place...like a mall, cool, enclosed, quiet...other ppl around...

Just remember looking in a display window at something that was shiny and beautiful, though I didn't actually see what it was...

There were a few of us all looking. We all took a long ride to get there...but we made it...and the journey was worth it.

My interpretation is basically that life is hard...like the bike ride, but eventually we will get where we're going if we don't stop. :)

You might feel as if everything will try to keep you from getting where you intend to go...but you will get there! Don't give up!
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Incidentally...on the road, during the bike ride, I saw people I recognized, friends that were on the same road for a time, but not necessarily going to the same place. They were in vehicles, but we had a chance to say hello at the stoplight. :)

Then there were those who were with me. We were together going to the same place. Some of them had an easier time on their bikes, some a more difficult time. But we traveled together.

So our fellow sojourners, whether life-long friends or brief acquaintences, are there for a reason. They leave something with us, and we leave something with them. We may go different ways, or continue together, but still...it is our own journey and it is touched by each one of them. I like that idea. :)

Anyway...I think the message in this dream is: Don't give up. :) This was a dream of encouragement...which did not start out that way at first! But it ended up that way. At least that's how I see it. Although our journey is unique, we are not alone. We can do it together, if we don't give up. :)

Thanks for reading, and happy journeying!
Love, A.

HNT: Burnt

2011-07-07T17:54:00.000-07:00

This was me after a day of yardwork last Saturday...8 hours to be exact. My sister and I also took an hour walk in the park that day, which contributed as well.

Anway...several days later and I'm itching like crazy! The worst part is that I can't reach all parts of my back...the center specifically. Damn, it sucks to get old! Lol.

Happy HNT!
Love, A. :)

p.s. I had absolutely NO tan/burn lines before this.

Recipe: 7-Layer (Orgasm) Salad

2011-07-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

Photo is another version of 7-layer salad

Not my typical post...but I'm going to make this salad again now that summer is officially here after our first hot weekend. :)

Now, I put the word "orgasm" in the recipe name on a friend's recommendation after I told him that everyone who has ever tried this salad has become addicted to it. One friend even made a "tub" of it himself and said he was in his room late and night chowing it all down, lol. And this recipe should feed about 8 people!

If I'm invited to pot lucks, BBQ's, etc., most friends will ask if I'm bringing this salad. Seriouly...it is reallllly good.

Ok...so here's the idea: it's 7 layer's of goodies all stacked into a container, preferably a pretty glass salad bowl, that is approx 10-14 inches in diameter, and at least 4-6 inches high. But you can work with what you have. :)

There are 3 "green" ingredients at the bottom, red onion, and then what I call the "omelette" on top. I only use these references to help me remember the order of the stacking. And by the way...the dressing is decadent. It's not a low calorie dressing by any means!

So you start with the bottom and work up in this order:

1) 1 head of iceberg chopped (I also add some Romaine for the dark green)

2) 1 pound of frozen peas, poured directly over top of chopped lettuce

3) 1 diced green pepper, layered over peas (I like more finely diced)

4) 1 red onion finely chopped (sometimes 1/2 will do if onion is strong)

Now the "omelette"....

5) Approx 10 large eggs, hard-boiled, chopped over the onion

6) Cooked, crumbled bacon next. I have used the ready bacon bits (real bacon bits in the bottle) when I'm too lazy to cook and crumble my own bacon

7) Dressing gets poured over the top next. Mix approx 2 cups of mayonnaise with about 2T of milk, and 2-4T of sugar. You only want the mayo liquidy enough to fold out of the measuring cup. Be sure not to make it too runny to where it pours out. It will soak the salad & make it wilty! So, only enough liquid for it to fold...like a really thick chocolate syrup. We want it to kind of stay on top and maybe only run down into the egg/bacon mixture.

8) Once dressing is distributed, shred approx 8oz (or more) of cheddar cheese over the top. It sort of finishes off the salad so it's not just dressing on the top.

Refrigerate for a little while and then serve with salad tongs. The idea is that you want to scoop all 7 layers. I have seen some addicts try to eat all the topping and leave the greens at the bottom! No-no! *Spank your hand if I see that!*

Anway...hope you try it. And then come back and tell me if I wasn't right and you are now addicted! And everyone else who tried it as well! :)

Love, A.

p.s. The ingredients are not fixed. If you like less onion or more eggs, just tailor it. It's all to preference. :)

HNT: Dressing Room Flash

2011-06-30T21:12:00.000-07:00

This was a shot from a dressing room while shopping when I was out of town. I did not retouch this photo...I liked it looking a bit dark and unfinished. Sort of "polaroidish", lol.

"Here's my boob!" And nothing more... :)

Happy HNT!

Love, A.

The Emotional Cauldron

2011-06-29T20:58:00.000-07:00

I was hit with very strong feelings of sadness last night. No reason that I can think of, but they were some of the strongest I've had in a long time.

The last time I can remember sobbing and feeling so down was when I was miserably lonely after my ex passed away. There were times I would just bawl to the point of my chest heaving uncontrollably, practically drowning in my sobs...and unable breathe.

I'm sure some of you know that sobbing. It is a wailing of sorts...like a cry of agony. Well it felt like that. Wailing. Reminds me of a video or something I saw of middle eastern women wailing over the deaths of their sons/husbands/brothers. Those women know how to wail! It is an expression from deep within the soul. A release of pain that cannot be expelled any other way.

What troubles me is that I can't relate it to anything in particular. I did have two drinks earlier, margaritas. Had a slight buzz, but two drinks is hardly anything for me. I have noticed that more and more frequently I seem to get emotional after I've consumed some alchohol. Not always...but it's happening more often.

I figure that since alcohol sort of mildly sedates a person, and loosens many things such as the tongue, and inhibitions, why couldn’t it also relax the cork of our deep buried emotions? --especially if we have kept them tightly bottled for years. I wholeheartedly believe we cannot heal until we uncover and deal with all our repressed emotions.

Anyway, the best I can describe the feelings is that they were of deep, deep loneliness. Almost despair...an old wound in the soul, such that it felt as if nothing could ever heal this wound.

A while back I encountered the idea that all trauma stems from the original separation from Source. I can imagine that as new, loving souls--never having experienced pain...being separated from our Creator and cast apart would be horribly painful. Especially when associated with feelings of unworthiness and misunderstanding about the purpose of this separation. I believe this original trauma is felt every time we feel rejected, abandoned, unworthy--anytime there is any fearful emotion felt.

Another idea going around is that humans are cleansing and transmuting painful emotions that have been with humankind since the beginning. This cleansing is supposedly done when a human being takes on these emotions and feels them, resolves them in a loving way. The original pain is then transmuted. I do like the idea that my suffering is for a good reason! True or not...I can't say. Nice thought though...makes the suffering seem worthwnile for me.

Anyway, I do believe that all people are dealing with a lot of emotional "garbage" at this time in history. When each of us can successfully deal with a less than ideal situation, and approach it with love and understanding...this is a personal healing. And the more people who can heal themselves, the greater our chance to save ourselves--the planet and all on it.

I have no idea how long it will take...I just know that it is worth the effort no matter how long--personally and globally. We have to try. How can each of us be a loving, compassionate being when we're afraid and beaten down by so much in life? We have to get beyond it. For our own sakes. No other choice. At least none other I want to choose.

So, back to story...as suddenly as the emotions came, they also went away the next day. I still can't relate it to anything specific in my life, but I realize that I have a commitment to myself to heal, no matter how difficult. I think that resolving pain moulds you into a pliable, flexible, yet strong person. You learn to flow with the forces, like water or wind...to be as you are without fear, hesitation, or regret.

Anyway...I wish everyone the best, now and always.

Thanks for reading,
Love, A. :)

TMI Tuesday: 06/28/11

2011-06-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

This picture makes it look wonderful! But still, no way! :D

1. What are the three (3) ”nevers” of your life? (Things you would never do or have never done.)

Ok...let's think. 1) I will never go skydiving...that is number 1 (no bungee jumping either). No thanks. Fear of heights and falling. Strange cause I would like to try hang-gliding and have done parasailing. :) 2) I would never skin/clean my own meat. I mean fresh meat that was trapped or just caught. Someone would have to do it for me, or I start eating berries, mushrooms, etc. I could probably deal with fish or something less mammalian...ok. And 3) I would never be a doctor, nurse or surgeon! I can't stand the idea of dealing with sick people or injured people. Can't stand the whole atmosphere of hospitals. Not sure if it's the whole depressed aura, or what. Impending death? Who knows. Similar feeling to me not wanting to touch/clean raw meat. Yuck. Strangely though, I think I could get into forensics...analyzing dead stuff. What can I say? I'm weird!

2. Who or what sleeps with you?

Not a damn thing. :\ Would like to remedy that in a permanent way soon with a live, warm, loving person. :)

3. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Probably tweeting and thinking about heading off to bed.

4. What is the most bizarre thing someone has ever asked you to do sexually?

Honestly...don't think there has been anything. Well, someone did want me to urinate on them. That's probably the strangest request I got. Oh, same guy also asked me to masturbate on the couch and he would pretend to walk in accidently and catch me. But is that strange? Not so much. Just that those two are the "most" strange requests I've ever gotten.

5. What is stashed under your bed/mattress? Why is it there?

Not a darn thing! Although...living alone, I have considered having a baseball bat or something heavy under my bed for self defense against intruders. Not too keen on guns. Really don't want to kill anyone, just injure them enough to get away safely.

Bonus: What is the one thing you have not done with your partner that you really want to do and how will you go about making it happen?

No partner, so this is hypothetical. Wish that my ex and I had synced up better with our sexual desires. He was older so wanted to explore sooner than I was ready. Anyway, I think I would have liked to get into some swinging a bit, threesomes, same room sex...etc. Nothing real drastic, just something to make things more interesting.

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Check out the other players at TMI Tuesday Blog. Thanks Hedone!

Love, A.

Ramblings: A Big Bite

2011-06-27T21:29:00.000-07:00

I took a challenge, and now realize I bit off a big chunk! Is it more than I can chew? Not sure. I know that I have to commit to it fully, for the next 8 weeks if I am to come close to succeeding. I've yet to determine if I can actually succeed.

Here's the deal: A friend challenged me to lose about 25 pounds. The hard part to swallow? I have 8 weeks to do it. He offered that if I succeed, we will meet for dinner/dancing at Hotel Del Coronado in approx 8 weeks.

Now you may say...well why do you want to? Why did you accept? You look fine, etc., etc. Truth is...I sort of instigated this whole thing. We have been online friends for close to 2 years, and yet have never met, though we are in rather close proximity. Strange...yes, I agree. But the more I get to know this man, the more I understand that he is not one to make sudden moves. He likes to be certain about things. So when he made the offer to meet, with above stipulation, I took the challenge.

It all started when we talked one day about meeting, and I proposed a date 2 months out in the future to get some weight off (which I recently gained) and generally just to prepare myself mentally and deal with some personal issues. Well 2 months went by and he asked me if I lost the weight I wanted to. I said no and made a sad face. We sort of laughed.

I told him things are calming down in my life, finally, but I've not addressed the weight issue. He asked me how much I wanted to lose. I told him my doctor recommended approx 25 lbs, and that I concurred with her as well. He said "you don't look like you have that extra weight", and I said, "well I'm fortunate that way". I can carry a lot of weight...but I know it's there and I feel it. Try carrying around an extra 5 bags of 5 lb sugar and see how you feel.

So, I've tried to calculate what I need to do. To lose a pound of fat (which is equivalent to 3600 calories), one needs to burn calories or reduce calorie intake. I have 8 weeks...so let's say for ease of calcuation, I need to lose 24 lbs. I have to lose 3 lbs per week.

That means I have to reduce my weekly intake by 3 x 3600 calories or 10,800 calories! Crap! I might starve...lol. That is approximately a reduction of 1,500 calories per day! Now assuming that as a large framed, muscular woman I burn perhaps 2500 calories, I need to drop my daily intake down to 1,000! Even a rabbit can't live on that! Lol. Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration. But it's not much!

Now of course exercise will help. I am doing what I can. Walking every day, and climbing stairs. I've yet to start with the weights. Muscle mass weighs more than fat, so I can expect to actually gain muscle mass as I lose fat...if weight-lifting is involved.

So...I think it will be difficult to achieve this loss in this short amount of time, just because of the food intake factor. And of course I love my beer...that would have to be completely cut out! And I'm not too thrilled about it...lol..

The questions that are now forming in my mind are, will I be able to do this? And if I don't, will he still want to meet me? I have a 3 pound leeway, by the way. So technically, 21 lbs lost and I'm still in. :)

I had to write this up...for my own edification. I knew it was going to be tough, but now I see that it will take some sacrifice and serious commitment. Ughhh.

Oh, and my friend knows me well enough to offer this challenge because the weight is something that I really want to work on. In his own way, he has given me incentive, and I appreciate that a great deal. So please don't think he is doing it because he's superficial. He's not. Far from it. I'm the one who is not happy about the weight I've gained...not him. :)

Thanks for reading...and please wish me luck! :)

Love, A.
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Addendum added Tues., 6/28:

I looked back at the numbers I gave during the chat my friend and I had, and realized that it's between 15-18 lbs I am aiming to lose. This is much more doable now that I calculate it to approx 2 to 2.5 lbs a week. Much better! My doctor wanted another 10 lbs lost, but I know how I looked before, and I was plenty slim at my target weight. The extra 10 lbs she is reccommending would make me sort of skinny...and I don't see that happening. The last time I was skinny was when I was 12...lol.

HNT: T-Shirt

2011-06-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

I love fun, silly t-shirts, embellished t-shirts, and especially t-shirts with wings. Wings on the back (angel wings) are my favorite. They go with my favorite piece of attire...jeans. Haven't grown out of them yet...and not likely to any time soon! Lol.

Happy HNT! A. :)

TMI Tuesday: 06/21/11

2011-06-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

1. How many states have you had sex in? How many countries? Yes, Oral counts! All sex acts– penetrative or not– are sex.

California, and Ohio. Oh, and Nevada--what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas (except on TMI). Boring I guess...just the US...sorry! Wait...I did kiss some cartel-type guy's wife in Acapulco a couple of years ago...we ALMOST got into more...does that count? Lol.

2. What do you think is the sexiest piece of clothing a man/woman wears on a daily basis? e.g., bra, jeans, sundress, dress shirt, etc.

I LOVE a man in shirt/tie...mmmm-mmmm! Totally hot. Then again, a nice pair of jeans on a man or woman is very sexy too.

3. Would you date yourself? Why or why not?

I would. In fact, if I could meet a woman who thinks like me, has similar beliefs...I think I could have a female "friend with benefits"! :D I think I'm generally an easy going person, fun-loving, sensual, deep and complex. But! You have to get to know me to really see what I'm all about. There...I'm done marketing myself to myself...lol.

4. Which muscle do you work the hardest: brain, heart, mouth?

Hmmmm. Probably my brain. I'm a thinker. Even though I'm a lover. I'm a thinker foremost. Sometimes a good thing, sometimes bad.

5. Fill-in the blank: I’m a total priss when it comes to _____ .

...touching meat. And not the man kind! :D I mean raw meat, especially chicken. I'm not too bad with beef, or fish. If I had to kill and clean my own meat, I'd probably be a vegetarian...yah, I'm certain I would be.

Bonus: Describe your darkest fantasy.

Oh boy, another very personal question. I seem to be exploring age play as of late, as it's helping me explore some of the darker aspects of my sexual psyche. I've dabbled with the Daddy/girl fantasy a bit, but I would have to say Mommy/girl age play is my darkest fantasy right now.

I discovered this fantasy/fetish accidently some time ago while flirting online with a young woman in her late 20's. She naturally seemed to fall into a youngish role, and pyschologically put me in a mommy role. Both of us were surprised at how much we each enjoyed our part. The whole taboo aspect of it was a very powerful sexual catalyst. This was really my first and only experience...but I have considered playing it out in real life with the right young woman. By "right", I mean a mature, aware, stable adult.

Now, I do find it odd that I have this fantasy, as 1) I have never been a mother (if I were, I'm almost positive I could not consider this type of play), 2) no adult, and certainly not parent, has ever acted sexually inappropriate towards me when I was a child, and 3) I was raised without an excess of sexual programming or exposure in my childhood. In other words, pretty normal experiences regarding sexual learning and exploration.

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Check out the other players at TMI Tuesday Blog. Thanks Hedone!

Love, A.

Note on Age Play & Commentary to Excellent Post

2011-06-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

Just read an excellent post on Lady Grinning Soul's blog titled Age Play, Paedophilia, and the Cultural Sexualisation of Children. It is a very well written article and worth a read.

I was prompted to write my own commentary here, after the fictional erotica post I recently wrote on age play titled "Daddy's Surprise Visit". It has to do with Daddy/girl play between adults. I noticed that there are a lack of comments on the post, although I did receive a couple of private comments from those who enjoyed it immensely. It's not odd to me that most people would prefer not to be associated with this post. There is still too much recrimination about what are considered "taboo" subjects, expecially in the area of sexuality.

Why? Well, for one, the implication of this age play is incestual, even though most who engage in this type of play have never experienced it and would certainly never even think to engage in it. To even consider it would be abhorrent to most, as it is to myself. The difference between age play and true depravity is that those who do engage in this type of play are ADULTS, and they are CONSENTING adults at that. So the perceived taboo in age play as far as I'm concerned, is self-imposed by the "moral" mind.

If you even know a little bit about me, you know that I believe in uncovering all aspects of the psyche. And the truth is, there are dark, dark corners there. How do you explore these corners without being arrested, endangering yourself, or others? Well, I've said it before. BDSM and D/s are great avenues, in my opinion, for exploring much of what is considered "dark". Although, again..."dark" is just a word that has different meanings to different people. To me, it just means hidden or denied aspects of ourselves.

My belief is that "light" and "dark" are two sides of the same coin, just as "good" and "bad" are. One is not "better" or "worse" than the other. They are different paths, perceived in their own way.

So my concern is that someone unfamiliar with age play could read my post and get very offended or disgusted, if: 1) they do not know me and my views, 2) they are unfamiliar with this type of play in the kink world or BDSM arena, or 3) there is something in their own personal history which illicits this reaction. Should I worry about what people think? Yes, and no. I do want to be clear about my views, ideas, etc. This blog is part of me; it talks about who and what I am, so I felt that perhaps some clarification was needed. :)

Thank-you Lady Grinning Soul for a great post! And to my readers, please do take a look at her blog. She's a very thought-provoking writer, and she also writes some great erotica!

Thanks for reading,
Love, A.

Erotica: Daddy's Surprise Visit

2011-06-19T01:12:00.000-07:00

"Let me watch you play."

I snap my head towards the bedroom door in surprise, and there you are. "Daddy, what are you doing here?!" A guilty smile on my face as I quickly move my hand up from under the covers.

"I know what my baby is up to every morning when I've gone to work. Can't keep from touching her wet little pussy even after Daddy has taken care of it so well."

I blush and feel myself starting to throb and swell a bit. I see you loosen up your tie, sit comfortably on the chair across from our bed, and move your gun/holster to the side, loosening the harness for comfort. So arousing to see your gun...powerful, big, dangerous...like your cock...

"Isn't that right baby? You're a needy little pussy when Daddy's gone." I nod yes shyly. "Now pull back the covers, show Daddy what his pussy wants."

I peel back the covers and expose my nakedness. It's how we sleep. But this feels different, like being on display...a bit nerve-wracking. I see darkness flash in your eyes...the hungry beast lurking below. I'm very aroused already as I slide my hand down and waste no time slipping two fingers between my swollen lips.

I moan and sigh to myself as I start rubbing up and down, circling my clit and back down again. "Ohhhhh...."

"Tell Daddy how it feels."

"Oh Daddy....it feels soooooo good, all wet and slippery." Being so nasty in front of you is making me soaked. I know you can hear the wetness as my fingers are rubbing, circling, dipping in and out. I can't believe I've lost all abandon, I'm so tingly all over already.

"Show Daddy how wet you are, spread your legs."

I do as I'm told, spreading wide before you, knees slightly bent, my juices flowing freely and coating my fingers. I notice your pants starting to bulge....God...it drives me crazy. I will need your cock soon.

"Good girl...what else does my nasty little baby do when Daddy's not here?" you say as you undo your belt, unfasten your pants and release your cock which springs up and out like a caged animal being set free.

"This..." I make sure my fingers are good and soaked, then bring them to my lips, smearing my juice all over and tasting my fingers as I watch your reaction. "And this...." Then I dip back into my folds and smear more wetness all over my nipples, rubbing the slickness in and pinching my nipples, making them hard. I see a wicked grin play on your face.

You groan as you fondle your cock lightly. My eyes are tranfixed for a moment, until I look you in the eyes again.

"I see my baby has been a dirty little slut. Daddy's cock is not enough for her hungry little pussy, is that what you're saying?"

"Oh no Daddy...I love your cock..."

"Quiet! Show Daddy how you fuck yourself!" I see you getting more aroused and more beastly. I think Sir is coming out. Sir is quite more stern than Daddy. He does NOT fuck around. I have to watch my step around him!

I close my eyes and start getting lost in my imagination.

"Open your eyes and look at me! I want Daddy's little slut looking at Daddy when she cums!" Now you are slowly stroking your cock...with a very focused look on your face.

I really start rubbing and circling as I work my hips, licking the fingers on my other hand and playing with my nipples and breasts. I smell my scent on them as I'm playing. I start getting closer and closer...

"Ooooooo....Daddy....?" I reach my arm out towards you....

"Does baby want something?" You say in a growl as you stroke slowly. "Baby needs Daddy's cock now?"

I nod yes and whimper...pleading with my eyes for you to come to me. You rise slowly and come to the bed.

"Maybe baby needs a little fuck and a little suck...nasty little slut that she is." Now I see that Daddy is back...there's a bit of a smirk on your face again.

"Yes, Daddy...I want your cock...pleasssse." You strip at the foot of the bed, but you leave your holster and gun on....that's so fucking hot. Your cock is standing straight out and up...your lean muscular body already showing a slight sheen. My pussy needs you now!

You climb up and over me, straddling yourself on one arm as you start rubbing your erection on my hot wet folds...teasing me as I arch up and try to swallow your cock each time it gets near my heat.

"Is this what my nasty little baby wants? Daddy's big hard cock buried in her soaking wet pussy!?"

"Yesssss Daddy.....fuck me please....!" You keep teasing me...you know it drives me into new heights of need and wantoness..."Daddy...fuck me...now....please Daddy!"

Then with one hard thrust you push your cock all the way in as I gasp, feeling the sensation of being filled with your hot hard flesh so deeply. You stare at me intently and start stroking slowly...out almost all the way, then in deep, then out and back in shallow...you bastard. You know exactly how to make me crazy, make me lose myself in you.

You fuck me like this for a while, deep, shallow...till my eyes are glazing over and I need you to pick up pace...then you withdraw. Oh God...no! You climb up over and straddle me, saying "Baby's been a bad girl. She needs to be punished. Open! Tongue out!"

You start slapping the underside of your cock hard on my tongue. Then you smack my cheeks with it. I love the sound of hard wet flesh meeting soft yielding flesh. Whack! Again and again...you smack me...and your cock gets harder, if that's even possible. My cunt reaches a new level of aching and need.

Then you thrust forward and shove your cock deep in my mouth. "Suck Daddy's cock like a good girl." I taste myself on you as you push slowly in and out. Again, you withdraw just as I'm getting into a rhythm. Damn it.

You get off of me and grab me by my hair like a rag doll...turning me over. "Show Daddy that slutty ass and pussy!" as you roughly push my knees apart with your legs. You push my head down and pull my ass towards you.

"Looks like Daddy needs to finish this job for his dirty little baby and give that hungry pussy what she wants." Mmmmmm....your cock plunges in hard as you grab my hips and pull them toward you with each thrust.

"Yes Daddy....mmmmm, oh God yes, fuck my hungry little pussy..."

You keep pounding away, in and out, grabbing my hair for leverage. "Oh Daddy....yesssss..... ohhhh....oh my God Daddy...... AGHHHH!" I feel the edge approaching... "OHHHHH....DADDY.... fuck me..... ooooohhhhh!!!!" I buck hard against you as I scream out "Daddy oh God Daddy!!!!" You keep fucking me hard through my climax.

Finally my waves subside...and you slow down for a moment to let me come to my senses. I'm dizzy and weak kneed...feeling your cock so slick as you slide it out... "Turn around...take Daddy's cock like a good girl..."

I turn and take your pussy-soaked cock in my mouth. I love my taste on you and take your whole length deep, humming...while I fondle and tug on your balls. I hear your breathing increase and a low groan starting deep in your chest as your cock hardens ever so slightly, knowing this means you're close.

"Mmmmmm.....such a good girl..." you say as you watch me devour you, your hips picking up pace. "Ohhhh, baby.....ohhhh FUCK!!!"

All of a sudden you pull back and stroke yourself as I try to keep licking your tip. "Ahhhhh!!!!" A large hot load shoots onto my tongue and chin. You aim another at my tits, still grunting...then you shove your cock into my mouth for the last spurt deep into my throat.

I taste that familiar musky taste that is you...as I look up into your eyes, that are looking down at me with a sense of conquest and adoration. I love that look...so sexy. "Such a nasty baby...gobbling up Daddy's cock like that." A hint of smile forms on your lips.

You finally pull out, remove your holster and collapse next to me, pulling me close with your arm around me. We kiss and mix your essence in our kiss...and smear it between us as I press my tits into you. My hand naturally finds its resting place on your now soft manhood..

"Baby needs to be a good girl or Daddy's going to have to punish her more severely next time," you try to say with a serious edge...but fail miserably!

I smile. "I'll try Daddy...but I don't know if I can be. I might need more correction....a lot more." You smile back knowingly as you pull me closer.

We end the morning with a deep kiss and then drift off to an easy slumber...

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By the way, it is completely incidental that this happened to post on Father's Day! Lol. Obviously this piece is about age play, very common in the kink community for those of you who may be unaware of this.

Love, A.

p.s. Please read a post I wrote about "age play" after writing this story. It may clear up any questions in your mind regarding what this post is about.

The Hawk and the Dove

2011-06-17T14:40:00.000-07:00

Hawk with Prey

I wrote this and posted it in February of 2008 on another social networking site. I reread it again after so long and decided to share. :)

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Last Thursday I was leaving work at dusk. There were lots of storm clouds and purple colors at sunset. As I’m getting into my car, I see a huge bird of prey with about a 5 foot wingspan flying over. I follow it as far as I can until it folds its wings in toward its body and dives at great speed.

All of a sudden it is flying back with a dove in its clutches – it’s a red-tailed hawk! What an awesome sight. It starts circling and I keep trying to follow with my eyes, and I tell the universe thank-you for this beautiful experience – I wish I could see more as it flies away.

I get into my car and reach the driveway. While waiting for traffic to pass, this beautiful hawk comes back around and lands on the light post directly in front of me! Her presence is commanding and majestic, regal, beautiful, powerful. She has the dove still in her grasp, and I wait for her to eat, but she does not. We seem to be looking at each other, and I feel like she has a message for me as we look eye to eye: “Take the dove and accept that it is yours…”

I ponder this for several days. I find out that in many cultures/religions the hawk is a messenger, a symbol of wisdom, and often a symbol of the human soul.

I believe now that she is me; she symbolizes my essence, my true self – and the dove is Love. She does not question whether it is right to take the dove; she knows it is entwined in the cycle of creation – just as the dove knows it is inseparable from the whole. “Question not whether you are worthy of Love; Love is here for the taking, accepting. It knows that it is one with you…do you know that you are one with It?”

Love to all...

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I have always believed my animal totems are the hawk and the spider. Strangely, I have a very strong reverance for spiders. I cannot recall the last time I even thought to harm one. I let them stay around or put them out in the garden, etc. And I seem to see a lot of hawks. I believe the hawk is also associated with Isis, one of my guiding goddesses.

Hope you enjoyed the post. This message is for all of us.

Love, A. :)

HNT: Sunning

2011-06-16T00:33:00.000-07:00

This weekend was nice for a bit on Sunday afternoon, so I decided since I was mostly unproductive all day, I might as well get some sunshine.

Contemplated making a tropical drink to go with the sarong. My fav is the coconut flavored rum, with pineapple and cranberry juice. It has to be really hot for that though.

Happy HNT! Love, A.

Ramblings: A Bigger World than "Me"

2011-06-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

Honestly, sometimes we make the smallest of problems into these giant things that consume us. That phrase, "making a mountain out of a mole hill," comes to mind.

The world is bigger than just us...than just me. I have to remember it's not always about me...except in MY own mind, lol. I had been upset for weeks because I interpreted certain behavior from one sister as meaning she was ignoring me, which then turned into, "she is angry with me", which eventually had me bouncing between being really pissed with her and feeling hurt.

So what do I do when I'm hurt and/or pissed? I stay away. "I don't need you or this bullshit" plays its tune in my head. But that was only more frustrating, because it still hurt. So with the help of my other sister, who said, "just talk to her, make the first move", I did.

Well, it turned out that in fact my sister was consumed with her own problems, and just wasn't as receptive and outgoing as usual. When we finally sat and talked, had a few drinks...everything was really ok. Other than her personal problems that have nothing to do with me.

I hope that I learned something. I was suffering for weeks unnecessarily! That was stupid, because I was too stubborn and too afraid to make that first move and communicate! Ridiculous. Thought I'd know better by now. Oh well, live and learn.

The problem is that I think I know everything. And that's just ridiculous too. My ego is way overboard sometimes. I also had issues with my niece, and it's always when I've made assumptions based on flimsy evidence or misperceptions. If I just would have asked, "What do you mean?" or "I don't understand what you're saying...", etc., I wouldn't have endured so much frustration and pain.

So what I think is important to remember is that everyone is in their own little world much of the time. Their perceptions are theirs, yours are yours, mine are mine. Sometimes they are so far apart that there's no way to meet in the world of assumptions. The thing to do is talk, ask, communicate. Get clarification if there is any question. This is hard for me because I'm afraid of hearing the wrong answer--in other words, the answer I don't want to hear. And yet to go on suffering is not a solution either.

Anyway, don't be afraid of the truth. I always claim that...yet I myself often guard my heart and emotions in anticipation of it. But, if I look back...the truth has always "set me free" in one way or another. Free from "not knowing", free from worrying about what the truth might really be. Silly me. With the truth, one can at least make choices from knowing, not from guessing.

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed!

Love, A.

HNT: Car Wash

2011-06-09T08:15:00.000-07:00

Late HNT, carwash pic. I love reflective surfaces...glass, water, metal, etc. They provide interesting opportunities to view the ordinary in a different way.

Love, A. :)

TMI Tuesday: 06/07/11 - In the Mood

2011-06-07T00:08:00.000-07:00

1. What puts you in a creative mood?

Hmmmm, definitely need inspiration of some sort. I have to be frisky or aroused to write really good erotica. But sometimes, letting my mind wander makes me frisky, and then I can create from that. It's a case of which came first...chicken or egg! Lol.

2. What puts you in a silly mood?

Well, when I feel good, I will be silly. And, well, alcohol will do it too...haha. Or, finding humor in the things or people around me.

3. What puts you in a contemplative mood?

Being somber, or affected emotionally by something in my life will make be contemplative. Or being observant...often the two go hand in hand. I have to be alone, or in "my own" space to be contemplative. Almost in a meditative state...often when I'm walking, working out, gardening, puttering around doing some chores...that type of thing.

4. What puts you in a competitive mood?

Well, I am not a competitive person by nature. Love a good game of something, but don't care about winning. Just having a good time and a challenge. However, if someone comes across as thinking they are invincible at something I'm good at...I may get a bit of that competitive edge!

5. If you consider yourself a talkative person, what puts you in a quiet mood? If you consider yourself a quiet person, what puts you in a talkative mood?

I am typically a quiet person, except with those I know well. The other thing that gets me talking is something new and exciting to talk about, or having a few drinks...lol. The extrovert comes out then!

6. What can a person do that will instantly put you in a sexy mood?

Revealing to me in some way how aroused they are because of me...and for me. Either telling me, or showing me in some way that they want me...and how they want me... Yah...that'll do it!

Bonus Q: What song puts you in a sexy mood? If possible post a link to the song so that we can listen to it.

I think I have to pick Stranglehold by Ted Nugent. Mind you...this is when I'm feeling like a bad girl and wanna be dirty! :) It's a sofa-sex song! Lol. :P

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Check out the other players at TMI Tuesday Blog. Thanks Hedone!

Love, A.

HNT: Rouged Nipples

2011-06-02T00:09:00.000-07:00

Well, this is something new for me. I have been seeing pictures of rouged or colored areolas/nipples on tumblr. There is a friend who particularly loves these types of pictures, so I thought I would give it a shot!

I used lipstick, since it works well on lips...the skin is very similar I think. It took a good 30-45 minutes to outline and color them both in. They kept shriveling up and I couldn't distribute the lipstick evenly! Lol. I think doing it on someone else would have been easier...but was a bit awkward to do on myself. Here is a side shot.

I'm thinking to do this occasionally in different colored lipsticks. I want to try pink! :)

Happy HNT! Love, A.

TMI Tuesday: 05/31/11

2011-05-31T00:04:00.001-07:00

1. What time did you go to bed last night and were you alone?

I got to bed quite late...way past my normal bedtime, but I was alone, yes. I was taking pics that I've been wanting to do for a while. Will post some on HNT...lol.

2. If you could be given ANY gift what would it be?

The gift to see the Truth and know the Truth. But I suppose this happens as we evolve anyway. So it appears to change...but we really only start glimpsing more of that which is unchanging. But I get impatient sometimes! :) Well...we probably already have this anyway....

Ok, a really cool gift? Teleportation or invisibility. Haha...or flying! Yah...that would be cool. Ohhhh, I know! To be able to meld with the consciousness of any object, animal or person and experience their state of consciousness! Yah....ok. I'm keeping that as my final answer...lol.

3. What was the last film that really moved/disturbed/thrilled you and why?

I haven't seen a good film in a long time. Ok...The King's Speech. It was amazing to realize how the right person can make such an impact in our lives. And amazing to see the friendship grow...the trust grow. Yes, that film did move me. :)

4. What is your favorite way to wake up and what is the first thing you do?

I like waking up naturally...with the light streaming in through the window. Now, don't forget...I'm single. If I wasn't, I would enjoy someone waking me up with their hands/mouth on me! :) But as it is...I like to wake up slowly. I like to wake up early, then look at the time, and realize I can sleep in a bit more! Lol. This is only on the weekends mostly.

If I'm in a good mood, I might play fantasies in my mind and indulge in some morning playtime. If not that, then I like to get up and make my coffee, have some juice, and think about what to have for breakfast. During weekdays, though, I'm rushing to get to work at a reasonable hour. Not much sleeping in or lounging M-F.

5. You’ve been granted an extra hour in the day, what are you going to do?
a. Sleep more
b. Extend a sexual interlude
c. Shop
d. Finally fit in that workout that you usually can’t make time for

Well, a and d are about tied. Actually, I might use it to start making a dent on cleaning out my garage of all the crap that got packed in there from last year's flood.

BONUS: Are you in love or lust?

You know...it seems I'm always in a little bit of both...lol. I prefer to think I can have both at the same time, but that's not really often as true as I'd like it to be.

I do have some strong feelings in my life right now...I suppose one could call it Love, as there are different types. But still...I have a good balance of each of the above right now. :)

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Check out the other players at TMI Tuesday Blog. Thanks Hedone!

Love, A.

HNT: Pendant

2011-05-26T00:04:00.000-07:00

Received a beautiful new pendant from a friend, so I wanted to share it. It's labradorite, an incredibly beautiful, luminescent mineral of mostly green, but can have other hues. Green is my favorite color, so I love green stones and gems.

Of course I knew you all would get bored if there wasn't at least some cleavage too! :)

Happy HNT.

Love, A.

She Acknowledges Me Again

2011-05-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

She is the eternal Watcher...
the Keeper of all things.
She is in us
and we in Her...
Her heartbeat is our life;
Her desire, our lust.
Her breath the evolution
of our Universe.
Your death
Her rebirth...
Your rebirth
Her eternal and undying Love...

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I love when She acknowledges my actions, or gives me encouragement for what I'm doing. "She who?" you say? She--the Divine Feminine force in the universe. The ultimate "She" that no one can really describe. I most closely relate to her as Mother Mary, Isis, and several other deities. Sometimes she also manifests as my "shadow", the unrealized side of myself with which I have been getting acquainted, and have had many conversations.

Anyway, today I was perusing a friend's website and saw a blog link which I had been wanting to check out: The Motherhood of Light and The Divine Order of the Rose. So I took a look, and I really liked what I saw. I felt really in tune with what information was there. However, I couldn't get an in depth look as my computer is having problems with blogger sites.

Earlier in the day I had tweeted something about life. I was on a diatribe where I felt compelled to impart whatever came to my mind. So I said this at one point:

We will all experience life in many ways...and on many paths. It's not always going to be sunshine & roses. You won't always play the saint.

Well, shortly after my long diatribe, I had doubts about whether I was talking out my ass or not...when all of a sudden I got hit with a VERY strong fragrance of roses. It was right under my nose. I turned my head towards the patio, but it wasn't coming from there...it was faint. When I turned straight ahead towards my computer, there is was. And trust me...it wasn't me. I hadn't showered yet and the savignon blanc from last night was sweating out of my pores, lol.

So...as is often the case...She gives me comfort and acknowledgement via fragrance. It has happened before. :)

Oh, when I saw the picture in this post on tumblr, I was inspired to write the poem above for Her, and about Her. It reminded me a little of the Earth Goddess, Gaia...another manifestation of Her.

Thanks for reading...
Love, A.

I Remember Her...

2011-05-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

I remember the way she spoke my name…

I remember how her hair fell in my face…

I remember how it smelled like nothing else.

I remember how soft her lips were…

and how warm and wet her kiss felt.

I remember the feral look in her eyes

and how it made my own center ignite.

I remember our tongues dancing

in each other’s mouths while

our hands explored.

I remember wanting to taste her

but waiting so I could savor it.

I remember I didn’t have to wait long.

I remember how she pushed me down

and climbed over me…

How voracious she was to

also taste me.

I remember being flooded with

sensations, with her filling

my whole being.

Her tongue and mouth on me,

and her flower just above…

I remember thinking it was the

most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

I remember reaching out my tongue

and taking that first taste.

I remember Heaven…

and the nectar of the Goddess.

I remember why women

are so beautiful...

I remember her, always…

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A tribute to a beautiful woman I had the fortune of meeting...

Love, A.

Music Video: Lighthouse Family - High

2011-05-20T18:53:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why I never heard this song...or least don't remember it. I love the lyrics...so happy!

Enjoy! Love, A. :)

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Lyrics to "High"

Music: Tucker/Baiyewu Lyrics: Tucker

When you're close to tears remember
Some day it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get so high
And though it's darker than December
What's ahead is a different colour
One day we're gonna get so high

And at
The end of the day
remember the days
When we were close to the edge
And we'll wonder how we made it through the night
The end of the day
remember the way
We stayed so close till the end
We'll remember it was me and you

'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love

Don't you think it's time you started
Doing what we always wanted
One day we're gonna get so high
'Cause even the impossible
is easy when we got each other
One day 'we're gonna get so high

And at
The end of the day
remember the days
when we were close to the edge
And we'll wonder how we made it through the night
The end of the day
remember the way
We stayed so close to till the end
We'll remember it was me and you.

'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love (x2)

High, high, high, high.(x2)

And at
The end of the day
remember the days
when we were close to the edge
And we'll wonder how we made it through the night
The end of the day
remember the way
We stayed so close to till the end
We'll remember it was me and you.

'Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep me flying high in the sky of love (x3)

HNT: Good Morning

2011-05-19T13:10:00.000-07:00

Another "lazy in bed" shot. Besides relaxing, one of my other favorite activities is sleeping in and lounging in bed as long as possible. :)

Problem is that I can't afford a life of leisure, and eventually have to get up and go to work...or do other things like 99% of us do.

So...I steal a few moments here and there when I can.

Love, A. :)

TMI Tuesday: 05/17/11 - Getting to Know Me

2011-05-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

"Aphrodite" by Claude Verlinde

Getting to Know You...

1. What is your online profile name and what does it mean?

My online name is "Goddess Aphrodite". In some places, Love Goddess, in others just Aphrodite. I chose this name because Aphrodite is the Greek Goddess of Love, Beauty, and Sexual Rapture.

At the time I started this blog, I was waking up to my own sexuality, my desires, my dreams, the hidden parts that had been buried deep. They started to reveal themselves, and I needed a persona that would represent this and help me explore this part of myself.

I also wanted a persona that represented the other parts of me, such as my playful, flirty, loving, accepting, inclusive nature. I do believe that Love is the greatest, if not only, force in the Universe. The rest is Love in its not so recognisable forms. So what better persona than Love Goddess? :)

2. How did you decide on the title of your blog?

Well...the name tells itself. "Secret Tales from a Sexually Awakened Goddess". I wanted to blog about my revelations, my discoveries, my dilemmas, my exploits, my fears, my desires, my journey, etc. I wanted this to be a place where I could express the things I could not do in real life with friends and/or family. Sort of a journal to myself, about myself, about my unfolding. And hopefully, this would also show others that they could do the same. At least that was/is my hope.

3. How much of your online personality transcends into your real life? What's the biggest difference between the two?

I am pretty much the same person online, as I am in real life. As far as core personality goes. The difference is that I am much more open here online (more reserved in real life), because I do not have to deal with judgement from those I know intimately. There's always fear of disappointing those in our lives, or sharing very intimate parts of ourselves. Online, this is somehow not an issue. I don't know most of you well enough to worry what you think of me. But in real life...I do worry. I want to be approved of and accepted. Human trait I think. Also, some things are really just not appropriate for friends/family anyway. :)

4. What have you stumbled across through reading blogs that really made you want to try it out? Have you done it yet? Was it a good, bad or so so experience?

Well, the online world in general has opened my eyes to the fact that everyone is unique in their sexuality. Unique overall, yes, but especially in their sexual nature. I also learned more about the BDSM world, and was able to give definition and clarity to some of the desires that were within my own psyche. D/s relationships fascinate me not just on a physical level, but the energetic exchange they engender and require.

I truly believe that all our ancient myths (creation, death, rebirth, the serpent, redemption, etc.) can be explored between a man and woman who can explore their male/female energies using D/s as a guide.

I myself have only touched some of these concepts in the physical. My exploration tends to be more in the emotional, psychological and spiritual arenas of these ideas. I am able to explore much through role play, fantasy, writing, and especially talking with others and contemplating what they say/write about their own experiences.

And now, in honor of "May is Masturbation Month"...

5. After you masturbate, do you taste yourself? Do you like the taste of you?

Geez, these questions get more personal than I sometimes like to reveal, lol. I think masturbation is a very private thing, more private than intimacy between two people. Anyway, I'm only going to say, "I have" and "I do". I really do enjoy employing all of my senses during masturbation...sight, sound, vocalization, taste, smell, imagination. Did I miss any? :)

6. Do you like to masturbate in front of someone else? Does that heighten your arousal or are you indifferent?

I have done so, and I think it's very erotic and arousing to do and to watch. I enjoy doing it and can get into it, but I cannot really climax because I need to be alone to do it properly. I have to get into my head, into my desires, my fantasies. Impossible to do with someone watching. But!...doing it in front of someone arouses me immensely if I know the person I'm with is aroused by it. And not too many people aren't, right? I'm very much a person who gets aroused by others getting aroused.

7. Have you ever been caught masturbating? By whom?

Hmmmm, can't recall ever getting caught masturbating. That would be embarassing, or not...depending on who it was! I think my ex might have been very close to catching me a few times, lol. But if he did, he didn't let on.

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Hope you enjoyed my answers. :)

See Hedone at The Pleasure Principle to see who else participated! :) Thanks Hedone!

Thanks, A. :)

Ramblings: Venus & Mars and Sexuality

2011-05-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

"Venus and Mars" by Sidney Harold Meteyard

Sometimes I'm amazed at the differences between men and women, but then again...no I'm not. Not really. I've seen it all my life! And well...I am 3,287 years old! Lol.

Anyway, the obvious of course, being that men can "look" at a woman, or "part" of a woman, and they can be aroused by that mere fact alone. Enough, in fact, to have sex usually, without needing much more to get them excited. And please, I do realize there are exceptions to every rule. But generally, this is the way men are built.

Now women, we rely on emotions, feelings...a fantasy. There has be a story or an idea around the man to excite us. Again...there are exceptions, but generally, women need to be turned on by something besides just a good looking man with a hot body. Although that is a real good start, hehe. :)

I have encountered great looking men. Some I've been with, some I haven't. What is the diff? It's something about the man himself. He must draw me in, seduce me somehow. Whether for an hour or a night...there must be a connection. I sort of envy those who can just have sex with whomever. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of one night encounters, on a chance meet. Total strangers. But whatever transpired before then...there was something that connected and bonded us.

The opposite can be true. There are people that I have met, and have known right off the bat I will never be with. There is something about how they approach their desire for sex. It's about them...almost a greedy sort of approach. I can sense whether I am solely an object to them, or if they are willing to open to me as I would to them, in a mutual experience of momentary shared ecstasy.

The other problem I see is that everyone wants sex on the hurry up. We don't want to wait for it, or work for it. In my opinion, men have gotten lazy...they can get sex fairly easily these days I think. And women have gotten comfortable with giving it away. Not that anything is wrong with this, but I see that it has really dimished and degraded the thing that made relationships special: courtship.

Romance, courting, friendship, mystery, aching desire...I want this! Did I ever have it? Not sure...but I do read and I imagine the days when men courted and romanced women, wrote them poems, gave them compliments, flowers, did crazy things to win a woman's affection...when they were chivalrous! The days when men were men...not this version of man-whores (yes it's harsh) that I tend to see so much now. To be honest...it really is a turn off, and quite depressing.

Again, the phrase I refer to is the quality of how a man approaches sex, not how many partners, or how long he has known them, or what transpires during the encounter. There is some unwholesome sleeziness that pervades our society today, and I find it very difficult to meet men of real integrity, quality, and true understanding of a woman's needs and desires. Men who know that sex is not just about body, but also of mind and spirit.

Additionally, very few men can play the game of seduction anymore. If we are going to save our society, I think men have to wake up and start taking a different lead. Become the ones who can direct relationships into magnificent directions. And women have to hold men to higher standards. Allow them to be men, but support them in their highest endeavors. I don't know if this will happen any time soon, though. When I go out into the world...I see slim pickings. I dream of a time when men will once again find heart, soul, truth, and take the lead in a relationships; where women will be protected, nurtured, loved, cherished by men. Where there is equal respect, but definite strengths for each, and which each gladly accepts and gives lovingly.

Anyway, I may be whistling dixie! Lol. Sure, sex is there...always will be, but sometimes I think I may be looking for a needle in haystack. At this point, I think I want what I want, and am not willing to settle. I'm sure I will find those rare connections along the way, but I also have to accept that I may look for the person I seek for a long time.

Well, those are my thoughts at the moment. They may change next week. Lol.

Thanks, A. :)

Ramblings: Comfort in the Darkness

2011-05-15T23:52:00.000-07:00

I've had a couple of rough weeks...emotionally. Some personal things going on that I was not really prepared to deal with. I had to give serious thought to the whole online relationship thing.

There have been some wonderful connections, but so many disappointments. I've learned that online connections evolve just as real life ones do...but there is the disadvantage of not being in physical contact. I suppose some people are fortunate if they are in proximity. But even when I thought proximity was reasonable, things have not worked out. People are busy, or uninterested in truth, or it's just too much to expand beyond the comfort zone of being behind a computer.

What I told a friend is that a relationship that turns romantic online must eventually consumate in physical contact or die. This is sometimes not possible with distance, complications, etc. And it becomes painful. There is no way for the romance to flourish if it cannot move ahead. So eventual death ensues. Now when I say death, I mean that the romance dies. It's possible that the relationship can become a friendship of sorts. But this will only happen if the two people really like each other, and not just sexually attracted to each other. And if they are willing to allow it to become whatever it must to sustain itself.

I'm veering from my point...which was to say that I realized I really miss companionship. It's been 5 years since my ex has been gone. In that time I have had "friends", and gone on dates, but no real long term companionship. Not really sure why. Maybe I wasn't ready. In fact I'm sure I wasn't. It's only lately that I tire of so many things and crave having a real person to touch, kiss, share things with, cry on...etc. These are the things I miss when I think of my ex and how we were. Sure, there were hard times too...but those seem so insignificant now. I only remember the good things--the things I long for.

Anyway, I had been thinking of him. I was pained by some recent events, and one night I fell asleep with teary eyes. That night something wonderful happened. I remember laying in bed, and realizing he was in bed next to me. My ex. I said how can this be? I felt his warmth. His arm, his flesh. It was solid. It was real beneath my fingertips. I was excited, happy, even reverent in some ways...as I knew this was extraordinary.

It was a lucid dream. I knew I was in that half awake / half asleep state. So I was conscious...in a different way than when one dreams and thinks it's reality. I KNEW I was in another dimension of consciousness. I told myself it was real...in whatever way it was. I touched him again...and felt the pressure of his skin, muscle, bone. I reached up and kissed him on the cheek. I felt the smooth warmth of his shaved face. He was asleep from what I could tell. He didn't say anything, but I knew he came there just for me. I drifted off nestled into his side...

I kept telling myself that I would not forget...that this was not a dream. I was awake in this altered reality, and he was real there. Not a ghost or a specter as he had been in my other dreams of him.

When I got up in the morning...I was so happy to have been given this experience. I wanted to write about it before I forgot. I almost did forget...but a friend said something the following day that triggered the memory. I vowed to write about it before it faded.

I knew it was a gift of comfort in the darkness I was travelling through. It was the very thing that pulled me out just far enough to realize things have a way of balancing out.

Thanks for reading.

Love, A.

Poem: Hunger

2011-05-13T18:40:00.000-07:00

You found me

like you said you would.

But we were both cold

and hungry then.

Empty.

We gave each other

meager scraps

of ourselves.

It was enough.

When you're hungry

a little is a lot.

Even a piece of cold meat

is a feast

to a starving person...

an illusion

that the gnawing

emptiness

is being filled.

And now you invite me

to your feast...

when I have no way

of attending.

So I stand outside

looking in,

still cold,

still hungry.

I'm happy that you dine

on a fatted calf.

But your joy only

makes my emptiness

vaster,

deeper,

more painful.

Now we are separated

by our perceptions

just as by

so many

other obstacles.

It's best I forget you

as a reality...

and remember you

as a dream.

A dream that almost

came true.

HNT: Bath Time

2011-05-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, a cheater post where I back date it because I didn't get around to doing it on time.

Took a bath last week...first time in a long time. I usually shower because it's quick and easy. I guess it would be diff if I had a really nice bath tub, like a roman bath of some sort--columns, marble, plants, urns, a bath boy to feed me grapes...lol.

Oh well. Next major work on the house will be to change out the blue tub/tile. Yuck! Could be worse I suppose. Could be pink. I love pink...just not for tile!

Thanks, A.

Tribute to the Divine Mother

2011-05-08T18:12:00.000-07:00

Thought this might be an ideal day (Mother's Day) to post about an experience I had a few years back. It meant a lot to me, and helped heal some of my own issues I had regarding my mother.

First of all, Mother's Day has always seemed contrived to me. Fake. Forced. Why? Well, because I have never had an emotional bond with my own mother. Sure, I love her. But basically she was a non-entity when we were children. She cooked, fed us, bathed us, put us to bed, etc. But other than that, there was not much comforting or emotional bonding that one would associate with a mother.

She was at her best when she and my father were getting along, but that was rare. So, more often than not, she was an empty shell...caught up in the marriage woes with my father. Looking back I see that she was more of a child than a parent. Unfortunate for her, and for us.

Anyway, I grew up without an understanding of a nuclear family unit. Our family seemed to be estranged from each other. I was even an outcast from my own siblings, who often grouped together and left me alone. I suppose because I was too logical, too unfeeling. I couldn't understand love, or emotions...other than pain which I had become very good at not feeling.

So, when I became an adult and started waking up to the realization that I was basically a zombie pretending to be a person, I did seek change. I had always believed in a higher divinity, so I prayed for understanding, for healing, for help, for anything that would take away the gnawing emptiness I felt. Eventually, I stumbled into some books, then into some spiritual websites, and a perfectly timed meeting of a new friend who helped open my eyes to a hidden world of spirituality I was only vaguely aware of. Finally, I even joined some self-development meditation groups that I felt in sync with.

One of these groups provided live, channeled messages from various ascended masters and deities. Well on one particular call, the visiting master was to be Mother Mary. Ok, I was never a religious person, spiritual yes. My mother is Catholic, but she never pushed it on us. I only had one experience with religion which sticks out in my mind, and that was not a positive one.

It was an incident at church where the pastor called up all those who had not accepted Jesus into their hearts to come up and be baptized, otherwise suffer the consequences of hell. I don't think it was stated that way, but that was basically the message I recall.

Even at ten years old, I knew this was bullshit! What kind of all-loving God would let children who had not been baptized burn in hell! Right there and then I knew that religion was a deception! I honestly cannot remember if I went up after that. I was so appalled by the premise that it changed me forever I think. I knew in my heart that men did not understand the true nature of the divine. Not that I did either...but I knew bullshit when I heard it, lol.

So not being raised in a really religious household was a blessing. I had dabbled a bit with various philosophies and eastern religions in my teens/twenties, but not enough to form any real concrete beliefs. My beliefs eventually came through observation and contemplation...through awareness of the world around me. Sure, there were influences no doubt...but generally my beliefs suit me. They are for my betterment, my desire to be a better person and live via a code that is "right" for me. I can't live someone else's code...I have to follow my own internal knowing, as must every person.

Ok, back to story. So upon finding out that this particular evening's meditation would feature Mother Mary...I felt very excited. Here was the Mother of the Christ coming to speak to us! The medium who was holding the meditation said that Mother Mary's energy and presence would be with each of us no matter where in the world we were located. Wow...this was even more exciting to me now, lol.

I looked around my place and realized it was a mess! I had an hour to clean up the place. I couldn't think of having the Divine Mother over and my place so dirty! So I cleaned like crazy...swept, dusted, vacuumed. I had heard that Mother Mary loves flowers and often appears to people accompanied by the fragrance of flowers...so I went to the garden and picked out white, yellow and red freesias. I put them in a vase for her and hoped she would like them. Ok...the place was ready, with 5 minutes to spare!

I freshened up and got ready for the conference call. The group lead settled in to start receiving the message. She started to describe the opening of a portal, the appearance of cherubs first, and then the appearance of Mother Mary herself. She described her radiance, the blue veil and gown, the kind eyes and face, the radiating love. Then she mentioned, "Oh, and Mother Mary has a bouquet of flowers she's carrying...yellow, white, and red flowers...".

OMG! I just about jumped for joy! She got my flowers! She acknowledged them to me, personally. No one knew I had picked EXACTLY those colors...and JUST for her. I was so esctatic and joyful. I beamed throughout the call. I cannot even remember what the call was really about, lol.

At the end of Mother Mary's message, the medium said that Mother Mary wanted to convey a message personally to each of us if we were willing. All we had to do was sit quietly and invite her in, and then just be still and listen. So I sat on the couch, closed my eyes, and just invited her into my presence.

I felt her there, and I was puzzled. I guess I couldn't understand why a predominantly Catholic deity would want to communicate with the likes of me who was hardly a religious person. So a question formed in my mind, "I thought you were a mother only for the Catholics...?" And I distinctly "heard" her say, "I am everyone's Mother." At that moment I felt the truth and love of that statement so strongly, that my heart seemed to burst and release all this long-held pain of feeling "motherless" for so many years.

I literally just started bawling deeply from within my core and sobbed with my whole being, for a long time. Then I had the sense of her reaching over to me and drying my tears with her veil. It was such a loving gesture that comforted me beyond words. Anyway, ever since that day she has continued to make herself known to me in greater and greater ways. And not just as Mother Mary, but as Isis, Kali, and other divine feminine forms.

However, the one that seems to sync with me the most is Mother Mary. I love her. Since then she has revealed to me through many sources that it is time for the world to be healed. And this will only happen with the embrace and integration of the Divine Feminine, which is the loving, nurturing force of all Creation.

We have lived in a patriarchal world for millenia now, and it has only caused chaos and suffering. Love, compassion, nurturing, understanding of connectedness, reverence for Nature and Creation...these are all qualities of the Divine Feminine. It's time to bring this into our being, whether we are male or female, and combine it with male attributes of will, reasoning and focus that have so long ruled this world.

This is the greatest honoring of Mother's Day I can think of...to share my understanding of her with you.

Blessings to us all...
Love, A.

So...I Must Be Intelligent...

2011-05-06T13:22:00.000-07:00

Photo from mastermarf.com on Moon Landing Conspiracy

I read this article titled "5 Unexpected Downsides of High Intelligence", and at first I thought, how can there be downsides to being intelligent?

But then...reading it, I was surprised to realize that so much of what is stated there is true! Lol. I do possess many of those behaviors, if not all!

I have noted the 5 downsides...but the article really goes into detail of WHY they are downsides. It's worth the read.

So here's a summary of the 5 downsides and how I fit in:

5) You're Probably a Night Owl -- And That's a Bad Thing
Ok, I am! I hate going to bed early...and I don't like getting up early. This has caused problems for me all my life, especially regarding keeping a work schedule that most bosses approve of. Not to mention that I am tired every day except on the weekends when I catch up by sleeping in.

4) You're Less Likely to Pass On Your Genes
I don't have any kids...true. But whether it's due to intelligence, who knows. I do know that I made up my mind early not to be a parent. And it was only as I got older that I realized, I could actually be a good parent. But my ex and I were not getting along. I believed that would not be fair to a new life. I did "think" this one out.

3) You're More Likely to Lie
Well, not sure about this. I do KNOW how to lie well...but I don't feel good about it. However, I have told non-harmful lies to avoid trouble and in situations where I think it's best to just keep the peace. So maybe I DO think I know better! Lol.

2) You're More Likely to Believe Bullshit
Haha! Ok, I do believe in things most people scoff at: Aliens, UFOs, conspiracy theory, channeled information. And as the article states...I've convinced myself as to why I believe these things, lol.

1) You're More Likely to Be Self-Destructive
Uggghh! This is true as well. The article states that intelligent people can be substance abusers because they are "curious". Especially regarding alcohol. :( Yes, I do love my drink...a little too much. And well....my favorite question in the whole world is "Why?". So, experimentation and doing things that may not be such a good idea...curiosity sometimes gets the better of me.

HNT: Belly (Now)

2011-05-05T23:57:00.001-07:00

Well, it's pretty close to the same pose as the belly shot two weeks ago when I did a "then" pic (taken 3yrs ago) ...so here is the "now" pic I promised, taken tonight on Cinco de Mayo. :)

I do love my cotton bikinis for comfort. The sexy stuff is for dates and that.

Love, A. :)

Music Video: Led Zeppelin - Thank You

2011-05-03T19:05:00.000-07:00

I really love the lyrics in this song...and well the music too. But I feel this song particularly strongly today. The words...the deep feeling of Love.

Love, A.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lyrics to "Thank You"

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
when mountains crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my all, Kind woman, nothing more.

Little drops of rain whisper of the pain, tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
Our love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
together we shall go until we die. My, my, my.
Inspiration's what you are to me, inspiration, look... see.

And so today, my world it smiles, your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done, for you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad, happiness....I'm glad.

If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you.
If the mountains should crumble to the sea, there would still be you and me.

TMI: The 7 Deadly Sins

2011-05-03T00:00:00.000-07:00

(Source of this diagram from Indexed website)

1. LUST (excessive sexual appetites): Besides your current significant other, for whom do you lust or who have you lusted for in the past? Does your significant other know about your lustful desires?

I have no significant other. But...I have lusted for coworkers, strangers, acquaintances, etc. There's not one type of person whom I lust after. I would have told my significant other...he wasn't jealous that way. I'm generally a lusty person when it comes to my sexuality. I have fantasies, desires that I write and/or daydream about. I believe lust/passion go hand and hand, and of course if you can throw Love in there...that's the ideal.

2. GLUTTONY (over-indulgence): What food brings out your inner glutton?

Hmmmm. I do love sushi. I wouldn't say I'm a glutton about it though. I tend to generally overeat most foods. It's the habit of eating too fast and not registering being full. That developed as a child when all us kids thought that if we ate faster, and finished sooner, we'd get the remaining food. Not that my mom didn't feed the family, but there wasn't so much food that we went away from the table stuffed. But we weren't starving either. There were NEVER leftovers though, I'll tell you that.

3. GREED (avarice): When it comes to sex, what are you greedy for? When it comes to things, what is it that you want more than you need or deserve?

With sex, I am not greedy for anything...but I want lots of things. Mainly a connection. Sex, even a casual encounter, requires a connection for me. It can be formed in an instant...and it has.

With things...same...not particularly greedy for anything. I am not a materialistic person. I feel fortunate to have a roof, food, friends, a bed, a car, a job...simple things.

4. SLOTH (idleness/procrastination): Name a task or activity in which you perpetually procrastinate?

Oh...let's see: EVERYTHING! This is my worst sin! Mostly with things that "are not fun", like cleaning, bills, shopping, errands, that stuff. I'm a terrible slacker. I think because I hate planning ahead. I like to act spur of the moment as it moves me. Unfortunately, many things cannot be dealt with that way in this world as it is. I am hoping it will change. I want to be like a kid again and do whatever it is I want to do at the moment I am moved to do it. :)

5. WRATH (anger) is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury.
a. Describe a time that you were very angry?
b. Have you ever been so angry that you thought about revenge? Did you seek it?

I am typically not an angry person. I don't like anger...and I don't like others' anger. I avoid it. Perhaps to my detriment. There was a time when I was younger where if I felt wrongly criticized, I would not just get angry...I would get out of control. A rage...a mad rage. Like my father. Not a pretty picture. Often this was with my ex. One time he said something that rubbed me the wrong way and I just lost it...started throwing things at him with the intent of physically hurting him. Eventually I came down from my rage. I didn't like the feeling of being completely possessed by this anger and totally out of control. Very scary. I have not lost it like that for years...well over 15 years. Now I can get angry and deal more rationally.

6. ENVY (jealousy): Who or what do you envy? Why?

I generally envy people who don't care about the normal things we all worry about. People who are able to trust the Universe to provide, who are always positive...no matter what! Those who are gentle, and yet strong. I strive to be carefree and trusting in this way. I think it's freedom I seek. Freedom from my own chains. I envy those who have it...because I also want it. :)

The other thing I sometimes envy is true, deep, affectionate Love between couples. I want this. I am always happy for those who have it...but I also want it for myself.

7. PRIDE (vanity) is the love of one's own excellence, and it is considered the worst of the 7 Deadly Sins.
a. When preparing to meet a lover, what are you most vain about?

I always try to look my best...but I don't know that I'm vain about it really.

b. What sexual skill are you overly proud and boastful about?

Again, I'm not overly proud or boastful about anything in particular. I do think I can worship a certain part of man's body well though! Lol. (Is that boastful?) :)

c. What part of your body are you proud of, boastful about?

Well, I am proud of my tits...as you no doubt can tell from my HNT's, lol. I don't boast about them though...but I do enjoy showing them off in whatever manner suits me, when it suits me. :)

Bonus question: What sin do you think is your greatest virtue? For example, what bad thing makes you more appealing?

LUST. I'm much more fun as a lustful being. I have lust for many things though, not just sex. :) I think this is part of being a Libra...we tend to enjoy indulging all our senses.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
See Hedone at The Pleasure Principle to see who else participated! :) Thanks Hedone!

Thanks, A. :)

Coincidence or a Call of Fate?

2011-05-02T22:38:00.000-07:00

In the last week or so I've had some interesting occurences having to do with Paris and/or France. Lately--and this has happened before--I notice that a thought, idea, concept, object, etc...will seem to repeat itself in my life a number of times.

This time the theme/idea was "Paris", France. Here are the occurences as I can recall them. I would say within the last week to two weeks:

1) I started tweeting with a man who calls himself Paris. He messages me now and then and signs his name always -- Paris.

2) Last week I received an email from woman in Paris. She mentioned that she and her partner are very curious about me and like my tumblr blog (Love Incarnate) very much. That our tastes seem to be the same, and that they wanted to know more about me. I pointed them to my blog but have not heard back from her yet.

3) Then I also received some private messages on Twitter from a woman who has been following for some time. She said something about the fact that I seem to be a true libertine, and that I would enjoy Paris very much. I'm not sure about "libertine", lol.

4) Then, a good friend of mine mentioned his phone, whom he calls Paris. Yes, he names his phone(s). Lol.

5) Another friend said he considered that the two of us meeting in Paris would be grand. We had talked of meeting one day, and when I mentioned the odd occurences of Paris, he told me he thought about a rendezvous there.

6) Then just a couple of days ago, my sister told me she dreamt of me going on a trip to Paris. This also after I mentioned the odd things above to her. It jarred her memory and that's all she remembered of the dream.

So...what does this mean? Truthfully, I don't know. But I think I need to start looking into what it might mean. The first thing that came to mind was my recollection of having previously read about the Cathars of France and how I was soooo fascinated by them. I felt a kinship...and suspect that I was somehow associated them, past life...etc.

Again, what it all means....I don't know. But I'm going to investigate. I am curious what the connection, if any, is between the Cathars and the Franciscans, since I recently had a meditation in which a Franciscan monk entered into my vision. The meditation took place at the Great Pyramid, so why would a Franciscan monk be there? In my beginning investigations I read something about St. Francis of Assisi going into Egypt in 1219 with the Fifth Crusade. This timing coincides with when the Cathars were in France. Still tying the pieces together with how it all relates...so stay tuned.

Anyway...it's late, and my brain hurts! Goodnight! :)

Love, A.

Formspring: What accomplishment are you most proud of?

2011-05-02T21:13:00.001-07:00

That I'm actually a fairly compassionate person considering my chaotic upbringing. I could've just as easily been a Dexter type...lol.

If you dare ask...this is the place. And please identify yourself w/name. TY! :)

Guest Poem: "Unending Love" by Rabindranath Tagore

2011-04-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

A friend shared this poem by Rabindranath Tagore with me. It's incredible...as I completely understand this type of Love. Amazing how many of us are awakening to this now...

Eternity by Rick Blackwell

Unending Love

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,

That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,

In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age-old pain,

It's ancient tale of being apart or together.

As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,

Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:

You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.

At the heart of time, love of one for another.

We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same

Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-

Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you

The love of all man’s days both past and forever:

Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.

The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –

And the songs of every poet past and forever.

HNT: Jeans!

2011-04-28T13:11:00.000-07:00

Apologies about not posting the "now" version of last week's "then" HNT. Running so short on time this week. Leaving town over the weekend to celebrate my sister's birthday with some friends.

This pic is from last Friday...I do love my jeans!

Love, A. :)

p.s. Still planning to post the "now" pic when I get a chance.

Formspring: Where is the weirdest place you've ever masturbated?

2011-04-26T18:21:00.001-07:00

Can't say I've done it anywhere that I consider "weird". In my car, on the sofa, and at work. I guess work would win. I have gotten excited enough to go to the bathroom before and take care of business. And have also masturbated less than a handful of times at my desk--normally when it's after hours, but sometimes middle of the day!

This past week, for instance, I woke up in a VERY good mood. And for some reason this makes me playful and flirty, and eventually that results in me becoming very frisky. I do flirt online, in a very open manner. I believe sexuality is natural...and it very much pervades my nature when I feel good.

On occasion I get private messages which are very exciting. :-) And this fuels my imagination, which just gets me going even more. For some reason I felt very daring. I decided I would try to play at my desk with people around me in the other cubes. This is only the second time I've done that in my life! I mean, that is very daring for me...or maybe for anyone. There are no doors on cubes as you know!

So I managed to get myself off at my desk, hand in pants, while at least two corworkers were less than ten feet away. Mind you, I kept quiet, which was the best part of it! Trying to be quiet while internally wanting to scream! Lol.

I wonder if I would be more apt to do this if I wore a skirt. It would be easier, I'm sure. Kind of hard to do with pants. Anyway, that's about as "weird" as I could think of for a masturbation story.

A. :)

If you dare ask...this is the place. And please identify yourself w/name. TY! :)

Ramblings: Sometimes You Just Click (part 2)

2011-04-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post about my Friday night visit with my new friend...the professional escort. I'll just call her L. We met Friday as she had a couple of hours free before having to be somewhere. If you missed that post (part 1), read it here.

We texted and I told her where I'd be...and told her to text me when she got to the restaurant. Finally I got a text that she arrived. As I started to answer...one of my friend's said..."is that her"? He knew I was waiting for a woman. Didn't know what she would look like, but when I saw her...I just knew it was her.

She turned and saw me looking at her. She knew I was blonde and wearing jeans...other than that...we figured we'd find each other. Anyway, first thing...I knew she'd be a knockout. And she was. Petite, curvy, dark-haired, exotic looking. She appeared part Persian, asian, milato, latino, Italian, Greek, Indian. I really couldn't tell! How fortunate for her. She could be many things to many different people. I suspect that is a big plus in her line of work.

Anyway, she sat down and we started chatting as if we were old friends. I love when that happens. I was curious to examine her in more detail. Like I said, very lovely, nice features. Big eyes, nice lips, beautiful skin. Her nails and toes were immaculate. Which again, I would expect would be the norm. She had a great smile, and a nice voice, and a very coy, flirty demeanor. Perfect! I thought.

I asked some general questions, and she was gracious in answering. I really was curious, and she knew I was not there to judge. Apparently she is doing very well now, and has her regular clients...which means lots of free time. If not for the fact that it was so noisy where we were, I would have gotten more in depth with her about her work, but we mostly talked surface issues.

Somewhere along the way I asked her if she was attracted to women, and she said yes. I did this after finding her extrremely attractive and wanting to know if she would be open to any advances. After she said yes, I told her that I wanted to kiss her. She repeated my question and smiled flirtily, so I moved towards her and we kissed. I assume I interpreted her response correctly...she didn't shy away. I'm still learning to be agressive when it comes to women, as women generally are not so. If two women are attracted to each other and neither is making the moves, could be a problem. :)

Anyway, the one thing I love about kissing women is that they are soft and sensuous kissers! They are gentle, their lips are soft, they don't try to stick their tongue in your mouth right away...lol. The rest of the night was more conversation until she had to leave. I was very comfortable around her, and also enchanted. When she told me how much she earns...I calcuated that that kiss was probably worth $100! Haha...kidding of course.

Anyway, I walked her out when she had to go, and talked for a few minutes by her car. We said we'd be in touch again when she was in town and she had free time. Then we kissed goodbye one last time. This one was a little more sensuous with more lip and just a bit of tongue. Enough though to leave me wondering what else could happen in the future.

It was a great night and if nothing else...I hopefully made a new and interesting friend. :)

Love, A.

Formspring: What was your favorite thing to do during recess at school?

2011-04-25T17:13:00.001-07:00

Elementary school? Tetherball or handball, maybe kickball. Jr. High: Go chow down on a fresh out-of-oven cinnamon roll and a milk. Did we have recess in HS? If we did...I was probably on the quad trying to be cool and not feel like a geek. (I was though, lol).

If you dare ask...this is the place. And please identify yourself w/name. TY! :)

Easter Fun

2011-04-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

Well I got to do something fun today that I hadn't done in years. And that was color eggs! I was recently telling a friend how I used to enjoy coloring eggs when I was young, and even when my sister's kids were young and I helped them.

However, as an adult, I've come to think there's no reason for me to color eggs now. Which is silly, really. Why not? If it's fun...what does it matter? Fortunately my niece and nephew called me and my other sister to come join them in coloring eggs this year. It's been about 15 years since I've last colored eggs. :)

Oh what luck! Had a great time. I colored 3 eggs in about 2 hours...lol. I was spending time drawing on the eggs with wax crayons, and trying to make some interesting eggs. All in all, it was a great time.

Next time I remember doing something I used to enjoy as a kid, I'm going to ask myself why I don't enjoy it still?

Thanks for reading, Love A. :)

p.s. And yes, those are the actual eggs we colored (pic above). Here below is my favorite egg...both sides. I love trees...so one side depicts a tree starting to bloom in Spring, and the other side shows a Weeping Willow.

Ramblings: Sometimes You Just Click (part 1)

2011-04-22T18:35:00.000-07:00

As you know, I'm on Twitter. Lots of opportunity to talk with people from all over, from all walks of life. I love that part about it. I really don't discriminate against people, unless they are just plain rude and have no courtesy towards others.

Other than that, I don't care if you're straight/gay, man/woman, in between, kinster/vanilla, Christian/atheist, white/black/green, etc. I don't care if you dig ditches, own your own business, smoke dope, whatever. It's your life. If you are not abusing others and/or the planet and her inhabitants in any agressive manner...I'm cool with you.

So, this non-judgemental attitude really draws people to me I think. I love it. I'm thrilled that the women are comfortable with me as much as I love that the men are too! :) Today I had the opportunity to tweet with a professional escort.

I checked out her website...she's gorgeous! Anyway, we struck up an interesting little dialogue back and forth, and I mentioned that the next time she's in LA, to look me up and maybe we could meet.

Next thing I know, she said she's here in LA, and will be in my neck of the woods in the evening. Well, before I know it...I find out she'll probably be about 15 miles away. So she sent me her cell number and said to give her a text or call later if I'd like to.

Wow! For some reason we struck up an interesting connection. I did mention to her I'm fascinated by her profession and would love to talk with her about it sometimes. I think I can gain a better understanding of yet another facet of sexuality and how society deals with their needs/desires in this area.

Anyway, just thought I'd write this down while it was fresh in my mind. I'm going to give her a call/text a bit later. Geez, I better go and get cleaned up. Wonder if she likes women? Lol.

Ok...mind is wandering. Take care! :)

Love, A.

p.s. Read part 2 here.

HNT: Flat Belly

2011-04-21T00:03:00.000-07:00

From the archives...when I was seriously working out like mad...and I really DID lose a lot of the belly fat. This is the flattest my belly has even been, since I've been a teenager. However, the layer is now back. Maybe this is my "then", and I'll do a "now" next week.

Uhhh, not sure I wanna show you! :) Stay tuned next week then! Lol.

Love, A.

Guest Poem: Noble Beast

2011-04-19T15:07:00.000-07:00

"At Last" by Rick Blackwell

To me your thoughts return when you gaze at the stars
My cold flesh from the other world, forever burning in you

I haunt your dreams
I am the wine of your possessed chalice:

Oh come to me my Lord
I am your slave
My soul is yours
My body open to your dark desires

You offer your neck...

I become all you know or care about
I become the lucidity in all your dreams

At dusk I come for you
Guide your hand to my lips
Kiss you deeply
Become intoxicated on your lust

I am the beast you live for
I am your eternal secret
Your darkest desire

And you my bountiful feast

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A beautiful poem written for me by a friend...on my favorite topic, the "Noble Beast" (of which I've written often in this blog). As a songwriter, my friend has a wonderful gift with words. He has so perfectly captured my desire and fasincation with the Beast. Thank-you love! :)

Love, A. :)

TMI Tuesday: 04/19/11

2011-04-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

1. Have you performed a strip tease for a lover? If you had music, what was the song?

No strip tease recently, but I have danced my own style of bellydance...with nothing but a coin scarf on around my hips. :) The music I like to free-style bellydance to is Loreena McKennitt's music.

2. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours"...What is it that you will show me?

My true self.

3. Have you ever let someone else bathe you although you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself?

I have been soaped up and washed in the shower yes. It's very nice. :)

4. If you were asked, "does the carpet match the drapes"... Would your answer be "yes" or "no"?
(In case you are not familiar with this idiom, it means does the hair on your head match your pubic hair. I know, classy right? :D :D Hey! It is TMI Tuesday)

Yes. My hair is blonde, but it's a very dark blonde, almost brown. That is my natural color. But I do highlight my hair to give it more golds and lighter shades. So in that sense, the carpet would not appear to match.

5. Who has done something within the last 24 hours to show they care for you? What did they do?

I have some friends who are wonderful about sending hello messages and checking in to see how I'm doing, and one that is also instrumental in helping me to understand myself better. He has great insight and is willing to share. :) It all means a lot to me.

6. Who was the last person you hugged romantically?

God...I can't say it's been recent. Hugging sexually is not the same thing as romantically, right? Lol. Romance has been a distant friend for me lately. :\

7. What do you prefer to do after sex?

a. Go for another round!
b. Cuddle and talk
c. Eat
d. Fall asleep
e. Shower
f. Get out!

Any combination of all of the above have been appropriate at one time or another. No right answer to this question.

Bonus: Anal sex...giving or receiving, which do you prefer? (Don't avoid this question; you could give anal stimulation by using your finger or toys.)

Hmmm, personal question...but then aren't they all...lol. I do enjoy receiving some stimulation in this area (finger play), as opposed to full-on penetration. As far as giving...I would with the right partner, but it's not something I automatically incorporate with casual partners.

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See Hedone at The Pleasure Principle to see who else participated! :) Thanks Hedone!

Thanks, A. :)

Rebel Without a Cause

2011-04-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

I don't like rules. Never have. Never will. I rebel against as many as possible. But I don't really do it with an "in your face" attitude like James Dean. Mine is more subtle, but still my own form of rebellion. Hence the title of this post. I think most rules are just plain ridiculous. They are made for the ignorant masses who can't or don't live by their own internal law.

Well, in truth...the masses have probably never had a chance to even find out if they could or would live by an internal law. We are immediately born into bondage and servitude. Babies come into the world with a clean slate, and this slate slowly becomes marred with all the garbage the world heaps on us. All the things we are expected to be, how we should behave, dress, act, etc. Step outta line and the man come and take you away! Little joke...

Now I'm not talking about rules for safely, like driving rules. We need some rules to minimize chaos. I'm talking about those that are introduced slowly, but surely...to squelch your freedoms...little, by little. Usually under the guise of "for your own good".

Anyway, this reality is a place in which your individuality and free expression is certainly not encouraged, and sometimes just barely tolerated. God forbid if you would show the rest of the sheep how to break free from the flock. Through history those who have dared to go against the establishment have been quieted one way or another. Fortunately, the very act of quieting them also makes their presence known, and their messages live on still.

What's the point of this? Well, I have a voice, I speak it where/when I can. I won't be able to wake the masses, but if I'm lucky I can perhaps wake up a person here or there...just enough that they start questioning their existence and seek their own truth. In the process, I help awaken myself even more. :)

I can ask them my favorite question: Why? That very question makes a person think...why indeed? When one starts realizing he really doesn't know why, other than "it's always been done that way" or "I've always been that way"....they MAY start to really ponder the question "Why?".

Speaking of breaking rules...Sunday afternoon I needed to get out of the house and be amongst trees, nature. So I headed off to my favorite arboretum getaway. There is a conifer forest there that has a small stream running through it. Heaven!

However, when I got there, the park was closed for free public admission and there was some sort of event going on that required an entrance fee. Well, I didn't want to go to the event, I just wanted to walk amongst the greenery, and sit in my favorite spot. Of course, they won't let you in...you HAVE to pay.

So, I started looking for a way in. I circled the whole park...from the outside, looking for a break in the chain link fence. Finally! I found it. There was a gate on the far side, hinged, that had a wide gap. Wide enough for me to just squeeze through. Getting my chest through was the tough part! Lol.

Once in, I went to my fav spot and sat on a wooden bench in front of the stream. The first thing I noticed was the smell of the redwoods in that area! Oh my God. It must have been the conifer oils warming up in the warm weather...it must have been about 87F or so. Well, I inhaled deeply, several times, and I flashed back to walking in the forests as a young girl in Canada...maybe 3-4 years old. It smelled like that. Fresh, clean, needles decomposing on the forest floor. Wonderful memory. :)

It was soooo soothing. Would have loved to stay there, but I also wanted to visit the rest of the park. :) I eventually made my way to the fruit trees, and found many orange trees full loaded with ripe oranges. Ok, one is not supposed to pick the fruit...but I didn't see the harm in eating an orange or two. So I did. I picked an orange, peeled it...ate it discreetly in the grove...then continued walking as is nothing just happened. Only my grin gave something away...lol.

It gave me a lot of satisfaction! Just doing something "I wasn't supposed to do", and wave this rule in their faces, in a private sort of way. Ok, maybe karma will catch up and someone will steal some fruit from my tree one day. I'm ok with that. In fact, I went back on my way out and had another orange, because it was so sweet and juicy.

So anyway, this was my wonderful Sunday getaway and rule-breaking day. :) I had a good time, no one got hurt. Life is good for now.

Love, A. :)

Music Video: Lisa Gerrard - Sanvean

2011-04-18T20:37:00.000-07:00

This woman, Lisa Gerrard, has a haunting voice...just listen. It's incredible. This particular video may not have the best quality, but you can check her other youtube videos here.

I read something a while ago, and don't know where now...about hearing angels sing through her...if one really listens. Her voice has that range...sounds ethereal.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it. I think every Monday I'll attempt to share some music I enjoy.

Thanks, A. :)

HNT: Climbing into Bed

2011-04-14T00:46:00.000-07:00

Climbing onto a friend's bed...he had a mirror propped against the wall next to his bed. I really miss him.

He moved out of state last summer. One of the best lovers I ever had, and younger. Wrote about him last year and one amazing night. :) He always made me feel great. He used to say I was a "real woman", unlike the "young chicks" that played too many games and caused drama. He stroked my ego, among other things! :)

So this is a spur of the moment shot taken during breaktime no doubt! Sorry it's not the clearest picture, but it's an "in the moment" shot. :)

Happy HNT!

Love, A.

Music Video: Madrugada - Vocal

2011-04-13T14:23:00.000-07:00

Got turned on to this video, and this group. They are Madrugada (a Portuguese/Spanish word for "dawn") from Norway. Haven't listened to what else they have...but this song is very haunting. It gives me chills.

Makes me want to forget everything, and run like a wolf, fly like a hawk, lose myself in ecstasy...and never stop, never come back.

Shed everything and be wild, free, a goddess, in her truest sense... :)

Hope you enjoy it too.

Love, A.

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VOCAL (Lyrics)

You better run, you better run
You better not wait too long
You better run, you better run
You better run for you have a heart
So let's start, so let's start
So let's start, tear it all apart
You better run, you better run
You better run for you have a heart
Well, oh, well, oh, you know it's only so much I can take
I buried my head in that pillow for a million days
So, oh, oh well, I'm sorry but I do not care to wait
Dare not walk through the light
Dare not walk through the light

Your vision's travelled far today
So why don't you run away
Your vision's travelled far today
Like in the times when you say

I have a cry, I have a cry, and I will not be contained
I have a cry, I have a cry, and I will not be contained, no
Oh well, oh you know it is only so much I can take
Buried my head in that pillow a million days oh, oh
Oh well, I'm sorry but I do not care to wait
Oh, dare not walk through the light
Dare not walk through the light, oh

Oh, dare not walk through the light
Dare not walk through the light

TMI Tuesday: 04/12/11

2011-04-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

1. What is your favorite part of sex?

The seduction, and the tease...the buildup of tension and excitement.

2. Have you asked your significant other or spouse what their biggest sexual fantasy is? Did you like it or are you not interested? What is it?

You know, when I was with my ex...I don't recall ever doing this. It's sad that we were in different stages of our sexual awakening. I was 17 years younger, so he was at a different place than I was when we met. If I could meet him now, at the same age he was when we first met, we'd be perfect for each other.

3. Do you enjoy phone sex?

I have, and I can...but I still prefer real in-the-flesh contact. There are occasions when phone sex is the only viable option...though. :)

4. Have you ever had a sexy nickname? How did you get it? What is it?

Not really. A friend did recently dedicate the song "Maneater" to me. I got a kick out of that name! Lol.

5. What’s your favorite color lingerie?

I'm partial to black. It looks good with my blonde hair I think. I also have a fondness for pink.

6. Have you ever had sex with “just a friend” and gone back to “just being” friends?

Wow, this is a deep topic. When a person is first a friend, and there's no attraction from day one, then NO...there will NEVER be sex. Hasn't happened yet. BUT...if there was attraction first, then friendship...then it's possible, yes. Although I cannot really recall anyone specific.

7. If in a romantic relationship or marriage, what is the best thing about it right now?

Not in one at the moment. When I was in relationship with my ex, the best part was being together in the same space and still retaining our individuality and freedom. That was towards the end as we grew, though. I would still value this in any relationship, even now.

Bonus: How did your last relationship end?

He got sick with lung cancer and passed away. That was in 2006.

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See Hedone at The Pleasure Principle to see who else participated! :) Thanks Hedone!

Love, A. :)

A Taste of Freedom

2011-04-11T01:07:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about freedom today. And how every living being longs for freedom. When I had my first cat...I got her as a kitten. Well, her whole world was my one bedroom apartment. One day I opened the front door and she escaped. She just took off...down the stairs, then up into a 50ft pine tree, lol. My ex and I spent the next 2-3 hours trying to coax her down.

Well, she finally came down and we brought her back in. The funny thing is, after that she would sit on the table next to the door quite often and paw at the doorknob! Yes...she was that smart...lol. She wanted freedom! Even a kitten knows freedom when they taste it. She finally got total freedom when I moved to a condo bordering an expansive greenbelt with lots of mature trees and shrubbery all around. She was a happy cat!

The same with a rabbit I decided to adopt from my nephew's friend. It was a young rabbit, not adult yet. White, with dark around the ears. His coat was rather dull, and he was somewhat of a boring, docile rabbit. Well, when I got him, I let him loose in my yard. He didn't know what to do right away...but by the end of the day he was running, sprinting, jumping, eating, you name it.

I took him in that night to put him in his cage, and guess what? He was kicking around and trying with all his might to get out. He was determined to get out or die trying. It seemed that way. I really thought he would hurt himself...that's how hard he was kicking and ramming in the cage.

I couldn't bear it. I let him out in the yard. He remained living out there, for over 3 years. Oh! With my 2 cats! Lol. He got a taste of freedom and I could not take it away from him. He ate all my herbs, flowers, etc. His coat became shiny, he became alert, animated. Like an animal should be. :) Not like the lifeless thing he was when I got him...devoid of any fire. I did put him in the laundry room when the weather was bad. But being in California...that was not too often.

Well, this is how it is with people, when they taste freedom. Sometimes they don't know they are in a cage, or prison. And I've encountered so many people lately who are aching for this freedom. Real freedom. Freedom to be who they are...inside. Freedom to express to their spouses, family, friends, etc. their true selves.

Somehow they got a little taste. Maybe it's online...where they can be whatever they feel like being...rarely without the judgement we encounter in real life. Here online, we will find those of like mind. People will gravitate to us, or they will be repelled by us. But because it's not personal...this is somewhat transparent and we don't care. So we end up in little groups of people who accept us as we are. This is a GOOD feeling. It may be a feeling that many people have forgotten about...had to...in order to live their lives as they always have.

Or one day...something just wakes up inside of you. You realize you've been living a lie. And that realization is almost devastating in its arrival. You think...how have I been asleep? And...how is it I'm now waking? Nothing is the same from this point. Things will change now...no matter how much you try to hold on to the status quo. It's too late. Realization changes awareness...and this awareness will change your perception...and then your reality.

There will be fear, uncertainty, chaos, turmoil. This is inevitable as most of us will greatly resist change. It is the one thing most of us dread, and yet it is the single most important thing in our growth. How we fight it. I know I do. It's scary. It's the "unknown". Yet all the change I've gone through has benefited me when I was able to look back. Would I have chosen it? Hell no! I didn't say it was easy...I said it has benefited me. But most of the time I was kicking and screaming and cursing God.

Although...I think the Creator and I have sort of patched things up these days...lol. I am much more accepting now...I worry less. Because I see that if I follow my true desires...things will work out. Even when I don't know HOW I should follow them exactly under the circumstances...the desire in my heart will find a way. All I need do is keep a focus on them and work towards them as best I can at the time. And sometimes that is nothing more than keeping it in my heart.

So what's the point of this post? To be true to yourself. Keep your dreams, and yes...keep your responsibilities. Sometimes the two cannot exist in the same space and time. We have obligations to fulfill. That is a noble thing to do. Just keep your fire alive, and have faith that it can be realized. There is some comfort in knowing what all the options are, and then choosing. Sometimes none of the choices is perfect, but when you choose...you at least know that you are the one who is making this choice. No one else. There is some freedom and comfort in that.

I truly believe that one day all men will be free, completely...body, mind, and spirit. It will take all of us to desire this for ourselves...and for each other. Then...to have the faith and determination to see it through.

Anyway, it's late. :) Wishing you all your dreams come true...in the best way and time possible.

Love, A. :)

Ramblings: High Energy Night

2011-04-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

Had a decent day at work Friday. Felt a bit amped-up all day long. I already know when I feel like this, I'm probably going to down some drinks later that evening, lol. In addition, my coworker whom I drink with on occasion was also feeling pretty good that day. We were sort of joking and laughing back and forth all day long.

She managed to pull together lunch for me that day, so I didn't have leave or even buy anything. I told her that was great and I owed her a drink or two the next time we went out. Well, that was right after work. :) We headed off to our favorite mexican restaurant for margaritas.

I arrived after my friend did...my sister was already there, too. They were at the end of the bar. I first had to say hello to my friend Gary and Wyatt. Also Kim was there, and Chuck. Lots of hugs all around. All my friends are single as well...and we seem to meet up a lot at our favorite hangouts. After the hellos, I joined my coworker friend and sister. Since the bar was busy...we ordered double margaritas--meaning twice the volume, twice the booze. Less time waiting for the bartender.

We were having a good time...then I noticed my eccentic artist friend, William. So I went to say hello. We hugged, and next thing I know William lip locks me and we start kissing...then the tongue! Haha. I started giggling and pulled away. He just laughed. We are just friends, but in a subtle sort of way. He really likes me I know. Says I'm the only real person in the bar; not phony like everyone else. He's very sweet. I guess I can be me around him. In some strange way he reminds me of my brother who can see through people, too.

Anyway...after our crazy kiss, I looked over to my left and this woman was waving me over frantically. I went over and she said..."I saw your kiss...that was great!" I told her we are just friends...and he had never kissed me like that before. She seemed to enjoy it...kept smiling and looking at me all night after that. I suspect it had something to do with my energy. Because all night people wanted to hug and touch and kiss me. I didn't mind. She did find an excuse to hug me later...lol. I think she just wanted to press up to my boobs. :) Even my two friends Gary and Wyatt kept staring at my cleavage. They are my friends, but they are still men, lol. I gave them a better view just because I was in a good mood. :)

Anyway, then I returned to sis and coworker friend, to visit and drink. Karaoke was just starting up. I knew I'd be called any time. And I was right! Next thing I know...my name was called, and I went up to sing. I picked Creedance's Born on the Bayou...male vocalists lend themselves to my voice, which is somewhat deep. Plus I know the classics and am very comfortable singing them.

Now I normally dread being noticed and I prefer to hide in a crowd, except if I know the people in the crowd. Well, everyone was staring at me! I am a pretty good singer actually, so I hope this is why. Plus I did have a form-fitting shirt on...that may have helped too. I finished the song and got a nice round of applause. My sister & friend commented that they couldn't believe how good it sounded. I do appreciate it and yet I still feel self-conscious about getting praise and applause. But the tequila did sort of even that out after a bit...haha.

Now...I was supposed to leave to meet an out-of-town visiting friend at another restaurant. I didn't want to go...I could tell this night was evolving into a great one! So I called my gentleman friend and asked if he would come to where I was. He agreed. I was very happy. Now I could be with friends, sing, and visit with him too! Perfecto! I can feel when something is heading in the right direction, and I knew this night would be great.

In the meantime my artist friend wanted me to help him draw. I told him I didn't really feel like it. So he offered to buy me a shot. I said no. He said "I'll have one with you". I said...ok. Then we toasted and I drank mine...and he didn't! Damn it! He gave me his shot too. I in turn handed it to my friend. We were starting to feel pretty good by now.

Well, right about then my gentleman friend arrived and I asked the couple next to me if they could move down a seat. They obliged and my friend got a seat. I introduced him to my sister and friend, and we got caught up with each other.

He ordered drinks...and he is a sweetheart. He never lets me pay. So we got some appetizers and drinks. He ended up buying me a shot as well. He'd been threatening to do so for months and months, because he's heard the stories of my shadow coming out to play when I drink tequila. Well, she was out, but she was me...we're getting more integrated. The problem is....I already had a shot earlier. I hardly needed another one.

So my name was up again for karaoke, and I asked him what he would like to hear. He said Eagles...Hotel California. I had never sang it before, but I bit the bullet and did it. Turned out great! He loved it and I was happy to do it for him.

As the evening was winding down, people started leaving and the place thinned out a bit. My artist friend came over to our group & was drawing my coworker girlfriend. We had a ball. I also got a couple more songs in.

At the end of the night, my sister gave my girlfriend a ride home, I'm happy to say. And my guy friend gave me a ride home. He was a perfect gentleman. I got home safe and crashed like a rock. Slept in as late as I could before the cat woke me to let him out. Pretty sure I went back to bed though...haha.

The next day I thanked my gentelman friend very much for everything, and for the ride. I didn't feel too bad at all. I checked in with my girlfriend, and she was fine as well. Thank God for people that look out for you. :) It really was a good night, all the way around.

I took it easy that day...got a ride to my car later that afternoon, and mused to myself how some nights are just perfect. :)

Thanks for reading!

Love, A.

HNT: Tail-End

2011-04-07T19:23:00.001-07:00

Felt a bit daring this morning (Friday). I cheated and back-dated this post a day. Hey, it's my blog. :)

Have you ever tried to take a pic of your tail-end with a phone camera? It's hard to do! But it doesn't look like it was.

Anyway, Happy HNT to all ass lovers. :)

Love, A.

A Connection in Space-Time

2011-04-06T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today I called in an order to a Chinese restaurant that I order from now and then. I hadn't ordered from there in a while, but I was craving this excellent noodle dish they make. So when I stopped in to pick up my order, the merchant--who may perhaps also be the owner--asked me how I was doing.

And it wasn't just a question like you ask any patron or stranger you may come in contact with. This had a different energy. I could tell he was asking "me" personally this question. He recognized me...and it was truly a sincere question, not idle chit-chat like an obligatory question.

I answered with a sincere heart, rather than just saying the words so many of us say when asked "how are you?". So I said I was doing well, busy...but well. Then I looked around and noticed his restaurant not so crowded. So I asked him, "How are you doing? How's business with this economy?" And I also really meant it...not just a "small-talk" question.

So he walked around the counter and we both walked outside, as I had my to-go order in my hand already. And for a few minutes, we just chatted outside like we were old friends. It was about the economy, gas prices, really nothing other than a few thoughts on our minds at the moment.

It was the oddest, but nicest thing to have happened to me in a long time. And I had to write about it before it faded. But I think what happened is that it was a real soul-to-soul connection in space-time. A small connection, perhaps insignificant...but it made me feel reeeeally good.

It's rare it happens, even with people I know well. I can't explain it. But perhaps you have felt it with another, or a few. It was joyous. There was a feeling under the words. Like hey...I see you, and I understand you. And I'm glad to meet you here. :)

Yah...I'm hoping to encounter more of that. I think we all will, and very soon. :)

Love, A.

TMI Tuesday: 04/05/11

2011-04-05T16:16:00.000-07:00

1. Do you like to be called a slut? (yes, this can pertain to men as well)

Actually, when this is part of sex play...yes, I really do like it. Then it turns me on. Or if it's used endearingly, I don't mind. Someone who doesn't know me calling me that?...uhh, no! Wouldn't dig it one bit.

2. What is your definition of a real man?

A real man is one who is his own man, acts with compassion and integrity, is intelligent (doesn't mean book smarts), witty, can find awe in the Universe, has not lost his zest for life or his innate curiosity. And of course...one who is sensual in more ways than just his sexuality. He enjoys LIFE in all its many facets. :)

3. What quality do you value most in a man, eg: Loyalty, humour, etc?

Wow...really all the above in #2, but confidence is hot. But this is not asking about "hot". Okay, what do I value? Hmmmm...I think I have to say compassion. A man who has a heart for the weak, downtrodden, heavy-of-heart. This could make me fall in love with him, actually. :)

4. What physical quality of a man are you most attracted to?

I love a man's eyes and smile. If there is a fire and a hint of mischief and mystery in the eyes...wow! Look out. And the smile tells me if he can be joyful. What he smiles at, how he smiles...the lines in his face when he does. It all tells a lot. I am also attracted to a man's arms that have veins, and hands that are big and manly. The better to man-handle me with! Lol.

Oh, and if I could see this part of a man's body, the obliques would def be at the top of the list! But it's typically hidden away until you have the opportunity for physical intimacy. But the obliques in the pic, mmmm...could worship them and what's below for hours..... *sigh*

5. Would you rather be the boss in charge or the boss's right hand man/woman?

I hate being in charge of anything that involves others, lol. That's too much responsibility. So give me a piece of the puzzle to solve and let me do my work. Then tell me how great I did. I'll be happy. :)

6. What sexual act could you not live without?

Wow. This is tough. I love kissing, touching, and well the whole experience that two people can have, physically. Think I'd suffer greatly if I couldn't suck cock, too. Lol. Ok...ummmm, touching, holding, embracing. The closeness of the whole sexual act and all its stages. That sort of covers the whole thing, doesn't it. Ok, well it's my answer and I'm sticking to it! :P

7. What sexual act would you never do again?

Don't recall anything in particular that I've done that I would say I'd never do again. Maybe as someone else answered...I haven't done enough? ;)

8. Have you ever masturbated while driving, if so what did you use to stimulate yourself?

I have, using my fingers, just external stimulation.

9. Have you ever wondered how fucking feels to the opposite sex?

OMG! Yes. I HAVE to know what it's like to have a penis! I have never tried a strap-on, and I'm sure that would barely approximate the actual experience, it might be something though. And...I would have to use it on a woman, to really feel that I am the owner of this penis (a male)...lol.

10. Do you remember the first time you heard the term clit, what was your impression?

I don't like the word, or the word clitoris, or vagina. They all sound too "clinical" to me. Can't remember when I first heard them or what I thought. Perhaps in health studies when we watched films about sexuality. The girls were separated from the boys, and we both watched very formal sex education films. Do you think our parents actually taught us this stuff? No way! Not mine anyway.

11. What is the first thing you ever masturbated to or with?

OMG! The first time was on a vacation when I was about 12. My family with us 4 children, and another family with 5 children--our parents were very good friends...and all us kids knew each other well.

Anyway, I was sharing a bed with one of the girls, who was also about 12-13. She told me about masturbating. I think one night she basically said something like "You want to know what feels really good?" And I was curious...so she showed me on herself...with her own hand...where and how to rub. She said to just rub and it will tickle. I tried it for a while...and nothing. She said...just keep doing it. Next thing I know...there was an electric type of tingle, and I giggled. She said..."See! I told you!" So I think we just kept doing this until we were tired of it! Lol.

Looking back now, I wonder had we spent more time together in later years, would we have gotten involved more with each other? Oh...that's another post. :)

12. For the girls, does Male on Male sex turn you on? Not as in two guys fucking each other but say seeing your husband or boyfriend touch, stroke, suck another man in your presence?

To be honest, this personally does not do a thing for me. More power to anyone who enjoys it or engages in it. I have no judgement there. Just that it's neither a turn on or off for me.

If my partner wanted to have a threesome with another male, I would love that...if I was the center of attention...lol. Just don't know how I would react if the two of them got into it. I think I would be jealous, actually. How can I compete with a man? That would be my thinking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
See Hedone at The Pleasure Principle to see who else participated! :) Thanks Hedone!

Thanks, A. :)

Naughty Morning Fantasy: Conference Call

2011-04-04T18:41:00.001-07:00

Today I woke up with a bad headache...and I knew I would probably miss this morning's meeting at work. That was ok...I had dialed in via conference call before. Usually while driving to work.

So I thought I would do the same. But my headache would not go...I needed to lie down longer. Next thing I knew, I was still in bed, and time for the conference. So I dialed in while still comfy under my covers. Mind you, there is no "mute" code for this call, so they could have heard me if I made any noise. :)

Well, these calls are boring...sales status, etc. My mind started wandering...which it often does when I'm in bed and not ready to get up. Usually it wanders to the topic of sex and gratification...lol. It was no different this morning.

I tried to invent a scenario that could include the conference call I was listening to...while also incorporating a little playtime fantasy for myself. :) I mean, I still had an obligation to listen in on the call, and add input if required. I figured I could have my cake and eat it to...so to speak!

So I slid my hand under the covers and down to my sex. My fantasy starts...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am in my office (not a cube like in real life), and I have called two coworkers in. They already know I get bored on these calls, so they are MORE than willing to help me get through this grueling half hour conference call.

David comes in right away, looking quite eager to please. He knows what I want. He is younger...early 30's, climbing the corporate ladder and willing to be as helpful as possible. I have to admit, I do abuse this fact with him a little more than I should. But it's ok, he enjoys being a yes man.

Following behind him is Mandy. She's quite a bit younger than David or me. And she's like a gazelle: all legs and very sleek and tall. She's very deceptive in her demeanor. She seems all business in her suit, button-up shirt, and corporate pumps--very professional...but beneath there is a vixen that wants to be loosed. A wild animal in disguise...

I've watched her and intuited this for a while...then had a chance to find out at a corporate event not long ago, when we both ended up in the lady's room intoxicated. Oh, she liked my advances, no doubt about it. Now, she comes by for "meetings" in my office quite often.

As they arrive, they see that I am already on call...the speakerphone is on and they can hear the other participants discussing status of various projects. For now...I have the mute on. I stand and look at David, pointing down just in front of my chair. He sits on the floor with his head laid back on my seat. Perfect. I straddle over his body and hike my skirt up a little...just to show him I have no panties on. He smiles broadly...his eyes already dark pools of desire.

Mandy knows the game I like to play, too. She leans against my desk...just to my right, where I can press up against her, kiss her, or reach any part of her body with either hand. She already has glazed eyes...somehow a complete incongruency to the fire and feline focus of a hunter in mine. Well, perhaps she has the eyes of prey! Yes...that's the look.

So, I put one knee up on my chair while the other is supporting me so I can lower myself onto David's face comfortably. Mandy is already leaning toward me for a kiss, and we kiss with our tongue already partly out like snakes...as we lock lips. I grab her hair and hold her to my lips while I start to gyrate on David's mouth and tongue.

We all three have little sounds of pleasure already emanating from us. I tell David he's a good boy and to just keep doing what he's doing. He does have a very strong and untiring tongue it seems, and this pleases me.

Then I unbutton Mandy's blouse just enough to pull her bra down and reach her nipples. Immediately I take one into my mouth with my left hand, licking and sucking like I'm starved, as my other hand caresses her leg...and I reach slowly under her skirt. Looking up I say, "Skirt up!" And she immediately pulls her skirt up to her hips. She's wearing little white silky thongs, and I can see and feel the wetness on them already as my hand caresses her through the thongs.

Oh this is getting good. Now the fun part. I tell them both, "I'm unmuting the phone now," as I press the unmute button. Now we all have to be very quiet...if we can, that is. This is when I like to really tease Mandy the most. I push her panties to the side, and slide my fingers up and down expertly...she is breathing heavily, but maintaining without noise. I see the struggle she is dealing with. I love it. I want to make her break, scream out. But she knows she better not. I have ways of dealing with bad girls who don't listen.

I continue to tease her, circling her clit, then fingers sliding up and down again, then a finger into her pussy...in and out a few times. She's so wet and my fingers so noisy, I'm afraid they will hear it on the conference call. I stop for the moment and bring my hand to her mouth, rubbing her juice all over her lips and letting her suck my fingers. I join her in a kiss and we both lick her essence off of my fingers and meld it all in our kiss. She lets out a moan a little too loud, and I grab her throat, tight. "Quiet..." I whisper. She nods, but her breathing is noticeably heavier. I smell her arousal even more now.

I stand now, and turn my ass towards David, while I face Mandy. David now sits on my chair and reaches his hand between my legs while holding my hip with the other. He knows the drill. He's going to get me off by hand, while I do the same to Mandy. Both of us at the same time, quietly...suppressing our desires to moan and scream. Such exquisite agony.

As David starts concentrating on rubbing and fingering me...I do the same to Mandy. I kiss her as I'm doing it. It requires every ounce of strength I have not to make noise. The only sounds are our heavy breathing...and wet fingers moving quickly between folds--hopefully imperceptible on the speakerphone. But I don't care at this point. I'm wet, aroused, tingling...needy. The animal is awake. I need to feed. I bite into Mandy's neck...not gently, but not so hard to leave marks either...she jumps in my hand, very turned on, and gyrates even harder and faster, pressing into my fingers.

This turns me on like crazy to have this control over her. It makes me grind harder and faster onto David's hand and fingers. I'm literally dazed between feeling what he's doing to me, and feeling what I'm doing to Mandy. My sensations get reversed, confused twisted...almost like I am her, and she is me, then back again. I can feel what I'm doing to her...I'm about over the edge, so is she. I feel her jerk, and start to spasm, or is it me...yes, wait...no. Then I start to do the same. We are both coming at the same time, and I lose track of what is happening. All I feel are intense erotic sensations, explosions...all over. My pussy, my mind, my being. I feel her orgasm too. I don't know how...but I do.

By some miracle we all managed to be fairly quiet, except for some gasps and heavy breathing. As we start coming down, finally, both David and I slow our hands to a light petting. As we come to...I hear someone on the phone say, "There's some background noise, someone needs to mute their line please."

I press the mute button and we all exhale and laugh. I kiss Mandy, again giving her my fingers for us to share her taste. "You are wonderful.." She smiles at me and teases..."I know." I wink and nod for her to pull herself together.

Then I turn and kiss David. "Thank-you David. That was very good." I taste myself on his lips from earlier. David is more than fulfilled in serving...I know this about him. So it is unnecessary for him to be pleased like me and Mandy. However, on occasion I do need cock and he gets to enjoy that gift.

He says "You're welcome Mistress" and rises, straightening himself out for the rest of the work day.

"Now remember, no washing your faces or hands till after you leave the office." They both look at me surprised. I'd never asked this before. I look at them. "You heard me. Now don't you both have some work to do?" And with that, they both leave my office.

I kick my feet up on my desk while finishing the call. Wow, this was such a great conference call. So much accomplished! I feel very productive and know the rest of the day will be great!

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Now in truth, I did not have this much detail in my actual visualization. I embellished a great deal while writing. This ALWAYS happens. It's like the story starts telling itself whether I want it to or not! Lol. All I did was visualize the nasty parts and then got myself off.

The very exciting thing was that I was on call with no mute on! Hence, I had to be very quiet while playing. I loved the tension...and just the idea of being so nasty and doing this while actually performing a work function. Lol.

It was great! Made the call so much more interesting. :) And, even better, my headache was gone by the time I got out of bed!

Well, hope you enjoyed the story! Plenty more where these came from.

Love, A.

p.s. Oh, I'm not typically dominant, but I can be. It's not my nature or preference necessarily, but I am exploring it a bit in fantasy. I kind of like it...actually. :)

I Amused Myself (Again)

2011-04-01T00:09:00.000-07:00

I received a nice gift from a twitter follower. He took my original avi (with pink robe) and created this modified version. I really love the artsy effect (no idea what it's called),....but I also love the green.

Green IS my favorite color in general, and I tend to wear green often. Have lots of shades of green in my wardrobe. He picked a perfect color for my robe. :)

So...when I switched this to my avi...I also tweeted:

I'm going "green"....lol.

This made me laugh and I was very amused. :) Probably more than anyone else, I'm sure! Haha.

Thanks, A. ;)

HNT: Lace Panties

2011-03-31T19:41:00.000-07:00

You have me strip off

most of my clothes...

and then you tell me

to get up on the bed

--on all fours.

"Show me your ass...

and peel off your panties

very slowly...

while you look at me."

My excitement already

building, as I turn

towards you,

and lick my lips...

Staring at you as my hand

slowly hooks into the

waistband and I start

peeling...slooooowly....

How long, will you

be able to watch?

I wonder...

Before your own lust

drives you mad...

And the Beast has

risen from your soul,

and from your loins...

once again....

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A little erotic poem/story to go with today's HNT pic. Hope you enjoyed!

Love, A. :)

Ramblings: Freedom

2011-03-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

I took a drive along the coast this weekend. Such a freeing experience that is. Especially if one has nothing to do. Well...Sunday I had nothing to do...but make my way home.

It was so freeing and exhilirating. Why? Well...I had nowhere to be, nothing to do, no one to answer to, no agenda, no plans. I didn't even have to be anywhere till Tuesday (work).

If I really wanted to, I could have stopped anywhere and stayed overnight...and still had a full day to goof off. This is not always the case when I'm at home. Home is a reminder of all the things I'm not accomplishing. So, mini-vacation getaways are wonderful. Get away from the phone, the computer, the email, the routine.

I stopped at some seaside towns where my ex and I used to hang out when we met. It was nice to be there...and I visited some places that he and I used to visit. (In case you don't know, he passed away in '06. Sometimes I like to go back & reminisce.) So...I hiked, I stopped and drank a couple of beers (at a bar we hung out at 20 yrs ago!), I shopped a bit, I walked downtown, I had lunch, I went to the beach, looked for pebbles on the shore, took my time... :)

It was wonderful. I'm not really a spontaneous person. In fact, I used to hate spur of the moment decisions when my ex made them, or anyone else. Now I'm the opposite. I hate plans, lol. Plans imply expectations of how things should be. I dread that. It's too much pressure. What if I don't want to go to so-and-so's baby shower, or so-and-so's BBQ?...etc. What if my soul needs to walk through a park?...Lay in the sun? Watch the clouds blow by? Why do I have to be somewhere when I don't really want to be there?

Well, the truth is...because we have responsibilities...people we care about, and care for. Not always so easy to just do what we want. I'm able to do this more than some only because I have no husband or children. I can get someone to feed my cat and then skip town for a day or more.

Whilst I was out strolling...I walked along a path just above the railroad tracks. It started out landscaped, then quickly turned into natural scrub and dunes--still beautiful. Below, I saw some homeless men...and as I really looked at them...I envied them. Why? Because I saw how they were enjoying the moment as best they could. They were drinking, talking, laughing, playing guiltar, smoking...and seeming to genuinely enjoy the moments as they were.

I'm sure they have their problems, and I empathize with the homeless issue...but I was looking at them at that moment. They still had nothing...yet they looked content. I was witnessing a moment of joy in their lives. How often do I still long for something...when by many standards I have much? What is this unfulfillment so many of us have?

What I envied was the freedom I saw. I did experience it a bit I think. Maybe not in the same way as them, but whilst I was there, just walking along the railroad tracks, I felt really good. Free. Unhindered. Content. Then I fell down and scraped myself up all to hell on the compacted sand dunes, lol. It hurt like a son of a bitch! But I still felt happy in my pain. I knew this was just another part of life, and I was feeling it fully. I thanked God it wasn't worse. I could've tumbled to the bottom and really been hurt. As it was, I only lost some layers of skins on my elbow, palms, fingers, and knees. Washing out the ingrained sand later at my car was even MORE enlivening. :)

Anyway, all of it was a great day. I was sooooo close to wanting to go and have a drink with the homeless, and maybe bum a cigarette from them. I bet they would have welcomed me, but I didn't want to interrupt their revery. So I moved on. I shopped a bit, then had lunch (angus burger w/ortega chile, swiss cheese, and fries). It was good! Was debating between a huge cobb salad and a burger. Waitress said I could substitute a salad for the fries. I looked at her....no way! Lol. When I'm going to enjoy something...I want to enjoy it fully.

After that, I FINALLY decided to really get on the road this time, so I drove towards the freeway onramp. But then I saw the beach to the left. Damn...I hadn't been to the beach in months! So my car found its way turning left instead of right, and I parked on a side street and walked to the beach and towards the shore. There I looked for pebbles and smooth rocks. I LOVE rocks. There were sooooo many! All pretty colors. I'm glad I didn't have a cart or bag--I would have filled it. As it was, I could only pick a few that caught my eye.

Once my hands were full, and my eyes were full, and my heart was full...I finally got on the freeway to head home. It was a great drive, sunny...beautiful partial clouds around, green hills, easy traffic. I loved it. The whole day was a blessing...but then every day probably is. We just don't always see it as so. This day I got to see it and feel it. :)

Love, A. :)
p.s. Yes, real pics...taken by me. :)

Guest Poem: Funny by Anna Kamienska

2011-03-29T15:43:00.000-07:00

Funny

What's it like to be a human

the bird asked

I myself don't know

it's being held prisoner by your skin

while reaching infinity

being a captive of your scrap of time

while touching eternity

being hopelessly uncertain

and helplessly hopeful

being a needle of frost

and a handful of heat

breathing in the air

and choking wordlessly

it's being on fire

with a nest made of ashes

eating bread

while filling up on hunger

it's dying without love

it's loving through death

That's funny said the bird

and flew effortlessly up into the air

~ Anna Kamienska ~

(Astonishments: Selected Poems of Anna Kamienska,
ed. and trans. by D. Curzon and G. Drabik)

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Now and then when a poem touches me, I'll share it here. This one I came across by accident...and it was soooo right on for me. I understand what the poet was trying to express....very much. :)

Hope you enjoy it too.
Love, A.