Parable of the Screeching Bird

Here's a little true story my sister told me today. It made me think about how much our mindset is tied to past experiences.

There's an asian lady who walks past her house on weekends. She's seen her for a while now.

Usually, when my sister's out, she puts the parrot in the tree out front, and the parrot loves to "scream" at passers-by. She screeches just about every time.

Well...the parrot would screech at the asian lady as well. One day the lady was walking by, my sister said good morning. The lady kept walking. Sis thought the lady probably didn't hear her.

Then the bird screeched, and my sister said "Oh sorry about the bird". The lady stopped and looked at her confounded, like she didn't understand.

Then my sister thought maybe she didn't speak english, so she motioned her over to the patio/tree to show her the bird, "My bird...it's here."

The woman said "I can come up?" (patio steps). My sister said "Yes...my bird is in the tree." "Bird?" said the asian woman. She finally saw the bird in the tree.

Then the bird screeched, and the woman said..."Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I thought you were yelling at me all this time!"

My sister said "No...didn't you hear me say good morning?" The woman said "Yes, but I was so angry at you. Some people don't like asian people."

So you see how our past experiences keep us expecting certain behaviors? It made me sad that this woman was still experiencing that prejudice.

I thought wow...this would be a hell state to be in. Thinking that any sound misunderstood would be taken to be anger, dislike, hatred, etc.

I'm glad my sister had the intuition to show her the bird. I really liked the story. A lot to be learned from it.

Do you have something from the past that makes you react in a way that you reacted then? Even though that is no longer what is really happening? I do.

I get really annoyed and irritated when I hear people whistle loudly. Typically only men do that. Now, I live in an area with a lot of mexican people. One thing that mexican men love to do is whistle!

Well, I cringe and get anxious and irritated when I hear my neighbors or anyone within earshot whistling. (Unless it is specifially to music which I can also hear.) I ask myself..."Why are they whistling? Are they calling their dog? Are they calling someone?" I couldn't pin it specifically with a particular memory, but it's coming back to me that when I was a kid, my father used to whistle loudly when he wanted us. That usually meant we were in trouble for one thing or another. Typically it was an angry whistle...from what I can vaguely recall. And that meant punishment.

So even though the particular memories of whistling are vague, the reaction I have to it is still very strong today. In a way I suppose this is the same type of trauma that war veterans experience when they hear sounds that remind them of the war. The feelings and reactions are still very much alive and still playing in their psyche today.

I think only conscious awareness and even more conscious retraining of our reactions could change this. But I suspect it's not easy. The more engrained and traumatic the memory/experience is, the harder it will be to react differently in the future.

I hope some of you will share your thoughts. Thanks for reading.

Love, A. :)