Roller Coaster is Still Coasting!

Any who follow me will know I've been MIA lately...not posting much. Not that I haven't wanted to. Almost daily I think of things I can write about, but I either don't seem to find the time or energy, or both.

Just been busy with family stuff, home, my new kitty, work, and generally just trying to re-energize myself. Have been seeming to need a lot of solitude lately.

Anyway, wanted to update you a bit. So much has happened since the last rambling I did...see it here. I have NOT yet juiced a darn thing. I am however maintaining a lower weight. I have not been drinking as much as I was, due to the fact that it seems to have lost its appeal. At times I feel like getting drunk...but then I just don't find it appealing...even though I'd like that buzz sometime.

I have not been going out as often to drink. My favorite karaoke stop on Friday nights has cancelled karaoke. Now there is no reason to go there, unless I'm really thirsty for a margarita. And this desire has waned per my last paragraph, lol. In addition, many of my drinking buddies have sort of gotten absorbed in their own lives...as they should. Still, we do see each other now and then.

I did see my friend Gary not long ago. He now has a girlfriend with whom he is living. They lived together before either of them married, and now they are both single again and managed to find each other. Amazingly they still hit it off after 10 years of being apart. Good for them.

I also saw DB (Dark Beauty), my only true love of the female persuasion. :) Ok, maybe not "true love", but we have a strange, yet strong bond. I'm glad that we still kiss on the lips each time we meet. She has had some health issues, lots of travel for work, so haven't seen much of her lately eithier.

My sister and I patched things up big time. When I spoke last time about betrayal...there were serious issues that I and the rest of the family were dealing with. My niece had a major drug addiction problem, of which I had only an inkling. My sister and her husband hid it well from the rest of us. Who can blame them I guess. It's hard for parents to admit, since they did feel embarassment over it...and no doubt felt as if they failed as parents.

My initial betrayal came when my niece stole from me. This happened after I had helped her with so many things--her car, her graduation, bills, etc. I couldn't believe she could do that to me. It cut deep. But with some thought and understanding and talking with my sister and brother-in-law (BIL)...I realized it was the addict who did this, not my niece.

Anyone who has never dealt with a serious addiction in their family really won't understand the impact. Then my second punch of betrayal to the gut came when my sister and BIL said that this was not the first time my niece stole from me. I found out that 1.5 yrs earlier she had taken drugs from my house. I had a ton of medication from my ex's bout with cancer. They told me they found all kinds of prescription medication in her room which they confiscated.

Ok, this took a while to sink in...but when it did, I was pissed! I couldn't believe they didn't tell me, for one. Second, they continued to let me believe everything was ok with having my niece at my house unattended. I still blame them for what she stole the second time. Had they told me...I would have not let her have access to my house when I wasn't there. Actually, I don't blame them. I'm over that. I did tell them that maybe it could have been prevented if they were honest with me, and that it was wrong of them to keep this from me and make me a sitting duck.

So this took a long time to get over. As my sister and BIL started spilling the beans...and sharing their agony and their regrets over not knowing how to handle the whole thing, our relationship started getting patched up. My sister eventually shared everything with my mom, our aunt, my other sister...so no one was left in the dark.

This was very cathartic. What happened is that we all banded together to support each other, and to work together as a unified family to do what we could to help my niece. We cried together...my sister and I. She said it felt so good to finally let it all out...and to get a hug. I was glad that she was finally able to do this. We are sisters again.

Now, the good news is that as of this moment, my niece is in a half-way house for the past 2 weeks. She looks and sounds great. Says she never wants to go back to where she was. We all know that these are words, and we can never know what will happen tomorrow, next week, next month or year. For now...we remain as positive as we all can be. My niece had a long hard road, and I'm sure it's only the beginning.

Before she got into this facility, she was staying in her car. She wrecked that car a month after getting it. That might be 4 cars within the last 1.5 - 2 years. When she got the money from insurance, that was burned up in no time with drugs. We suspected this might happen, but we knew that she had to be the one to decide how she wanted to live her life.

My sister said my niece was better off without a car...as it seemed only a matter of time before one of her car accidents would be very serious. Anyway, the money disappeared, and now she had no drugs, no car, no place to sleep. My niece then moved in with my other sister for a while, as her mom and dad did not want her at home. They already said they cannot have their lives in turmoil with the constant chaos that their daughter had been causing for years. I knew what they were talking about.

Well, my other sister must be as patient as a saint. She let my niece stay for almost a good month. Finally, the last straw broke the camel's back when my niece stole her car one day when my sister went to the restroom. She did return with the car, after which my sister told her she needs to find another place to stay. My niece said she figured this was coming...and mumbled something about no one caring about her.

Anyway, a lot has happened. A lot has changed. My sister and I went to see her daughter yesterday at the half-way house. She looks and sounds great, as I said. She apologized to me...but I told her not to worry about that now. We'll work it out later. I'm mainly concerned that she concentrate on recovery, and not get into wallowing in guilt. We are not there to punish her. She is not a "bad" person. She is an addict. And addiction is not a pretty thing. I've grown up with it all around me...it's ugly. And there's not a goddamn thing anyone could do for the addicted person. Maybe pray, and never give up hope.

That's the hard part. To realize that you love this person, and you WOULD do anything...but you can't do shit. They have to want to be clean more than they've ever wanted anything in their whole life. Period.

Anyway...this whole ordeal seems to have sucked so much time and energy from me. Even though I've been mainly on the sidelines. I can only imagine how my sister, my BIL, and my nephew have managed to function for the past few years trying to maintain an image of "normalcy".

Well, I didn't plan to write this much...but this is what wanted to come out, so here it is. Thanks for reading as always.

Love, A.